deepundergroundpoetry.com
Decency
“And do I think it decent?” He’d repeat
Quite sotto voce, contemplative too
“To leave you in the dark when I’m replete?”
“You need to sleep once used, is this not true?”
She nods in agreement, disconcerted
By his bold words as his hardness removes
Itself from her soft wetness, where inserted
He took her quite effectively and proves
She’s his creature, welcoming and eager
To seek another bout despite recent
Engagements with his sex; don't deceive her:
These may seem to some to be indecent
But not to one who’d offer up her seat
To tender mercies, he’s keen to repeat.
Quite sotto voce, contemplative too
“To leave you in the dark when I’m replete?”
“You need to sleep once used, is this not true?”
She nods in agreement, disconcerted
By his bold words as his hardness removes
Itself from her soft wetness, where inserted
He took her quite effectively and proves
She’s his creature, welcoming and eager
To seek another bout despite recent
Engagements with his sex; don't deceive her:
These may seem to some to be indecent
But not to one who’d offer up her seat
To tender mercies, he’s keen to repeat.
Published 26th Oct 2016
| Edited 30th Oct 2016
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Anonymous
27th Oct 2016 7:54pm
I liked the general intent of the expression, it was a well thought out idea, but you were expressing with great class, but then include a word that brings the reader down from the build up, he/she continues to read an elegant build, then is slapped across the face by more poorly chosen expressives.
blunt words like "cock" & "beaver" are not forbidden in poetry and I have read many blatantly sexual poems using words like pussy, dick juice, cunt, ect. but it was the way they were expressed that made them poetic and sexual rather than just an entry in Penthoue Forums.
If you decide to go with a particular style to write a piece, follow through with it, mixing them up can destroy the attraction of the poem and the image of the writer.
blunt words like "cock" & "beaver" are not forbidden in poetry and I have read many blatantly sexual poems using words like pussy, dick juice, cunt, ect. but it was the way they were expressed that made them poetic and sexual rather than just an entry in Penthoue Forums.
If you decide to go with a particular style to write a piece, follow through with it, mixing them up can destroy the attraction of the poem and the image of the writer.
30th Oct 2016 9:57am
Is beaver blunt - it struck me as being iconoclast - but you may well be right - it may be disruptive to mood and not the creative destruction I had intended - I shall bear this in mind next time I get the inclination to explore and may even amend this verse to suit the sensuous rather than the bawdy.
