deepundergroundpoetry.com
Medicine in My Wounds
You look into me with rose colored glasses
Rolling dice with the demons that cower
In the darkest corners of my heart
Cobwebs hanging like lace
And they are swept under the feet of dancing mirages
Fleeting wishes of who I was and who I want to be
I am forever a bird with clipped wings
Cursed with a perpetual aching to fly away
But with a heart that still sings like a redbird in the morning
You soothe the screaming madwoman in me
And I become but a helpless kitten in the palm of your hand
Rolling dice with the demons that cower
In the darkest corners of my heart
Cobwebs hanging like lace
And they are swept under the feet of dancing mirages
Fleeting wishes of who I was and who I want to be
I am forever a bird with clipped wings
Cursed with a perpetual aching to fly away
But with a heart that still sings like a redbird in the morning
You soothe the screaming madwoman in me
And I become but a helpless kitten in the palm of your hand
Published 14th Oct 2016
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The author encourages honest critique.
15th Oct 2016 00:18am
When I started reading this I was thinking it was a self-poem and then looked to see it was a love poem. Interestingly, it could be either but as a love poem it is a powerful message to someone you trust deeply. Excellent verse Kitty!
JJ
JJ
Anonymous
15th Oct 2016 11:00am
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
15th Oct 2016 12:13pm
I'm curious about the amount of space you've used between paragraphs. Is it intended to make them feel like separate entities? Related, but still standing on their own?
In the second one, your metaphor is concentrated on birds, then you switch to a kitten. I'm wondering if you want to express helplessness, if something like 'fledgling' would work to carry the bird imagery through to the end of the paragraph.
I'm touched by the poem as a whole, the expression of being loved by someone who soothes you, but whom you're not certain sees or understands the full scope of who you are, demons and all, seeing you with rose-coloured glasses. There's that vulnerability as cobwebs are cleared from dark, hidden places, and the reconciliation of the past, the present, and the future you're hoping to create.
In the second one, your metaphor is concentrated on birds, then you switch to a kitten. I'm wondering if you want to express helplessness, if something like 'fledgling' would work to carry the bird imagery through to the end of the paragraph.
I'm touched by the poem as a whole, the expression of being loved by someone who soothes you, but whom you're not certain sees or understands the full scope of who you are, demons and all, seeing you with rose-coloured glasses. There's that vulnerability as cobwebs are cleared from dark, hidden places, and the reconciliation of the past, the present, and the future you're hoping to create.
15th Oct 2016 12:36pm
Its been awhile someone has taken the time to construct critique for my actual writing skills... I appreciate it!
Do come around more often! :)
The spacing was a goof in how my phone copied and pasted from my notes. I just woke up and don't feel like fixing it lol 😂
Do come around more often! :)
The spacing was a goof in how my phone copied and pasted from my notes. I just woke up and don't feel like fixing it lol 😂
