deepundergroundpoetry.com
Withering Time
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Lead and Blood, one for another
They come, they go
Life and Death go hand in hand
No one remembers, no one misses
They fall, they rise
Sands of time flow on and on
No chance to care
World keeps turning and turning
There'll be no end
Born to forget, but never forgive
The curse of life
Lead and Blood, one for another
They come, they go
Life and Death go hand in hand
No one remembers, no one misses
They fall, they rise
Sands of time flow on and on
No chance to care
World keeps turning and turning
There'll be no end
Born to forget, but never forgive
The curse of life
Published 17th Sep 2016
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The author encourages honest critique.
17th Sep 2016 5:24pm
Nice, i like it. Though to me i think for improvement it could have some more metaphors/references, or depicting words. I digged the 2 last lines btw.
17th Sep 2016 8:10pm
Thank you very much for your kind review! :)
Yes, I did keep it uncharacteristically clean and simple on pure notion, so yes, I do agree, that it could use a more artfull polish.
Glad you liked the lines so much, they were just there and got stuck so bad they just didn't go away, actually I did build the whole poem around these phrases, so it makes me kind of proud for both of us to have my true lead phrase revealed so easily. Thank you very much for that, as well.
Yes, I did keep it uncharacteristically clean and simple on pure notion, so yes, I do agree, that it could use a more artfull polish.
Glad you liked the lines so much, they were just there and got stuck so bad they just didn't go away, actually I did build the whole poem around these phrases, so it makes me kind of proud for both of us to have my true lead phrase revealed so easily. Thank you very much for that, as well.
