deepundergroundpoetry.com
I, I, I, & more me.
Sinful morals clouds happiness within I
And know not wait till pitiful forgiveness
releases the fighting shame forevermore
living a losing battle to be pure perfection to
the deluded eyes of all creation.
And so I bloom like a black flower with the vile stench of scars from the heart, oh so desolate.
And know not wait till pitiful forgiveness
releases the fighting shame forevermore
living a losing battle to be pure perfection to
the deluded eyes of all creation.
And so I bloom like a black flower with the vile stench of scars from the heart, oh so desolate.
Published 15th Sep 2016
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likes 3
reading list entries 2
comments 7
reads 899
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
16th Sep 2016 00:40am
Love it, the wording, the message. Maybe I just get the feeling and not all of the sense but it touches me deeply. Thank you.
21st Sep 2016 5:06pm
Hey that's weird coz I wrote this out of feeling not making much sense in technique hahaha thank you Miss Chi:)
16th Sep 2016 6:03pm
21st Sep 2016 5:07pm
I don't have much poetic techniques so I wrote out of emotion and so glad you understood thank you:)
There's something about this poem sadsmiles which is very deep even though I find it slightly difficult to read, literally.
The last line is...heartwrenching.
A suggestion...in the first line, drop the 's' on clouds for better flow.
I just read it again and mentally inserted a pause after 'know' in the 2nd line and the words seem so much clearer.
Love it
The last line is...heartwrenching.
A suggestion...in the first line, drop the 's' on clouds for better flow.
I just read it again and mentally inserted a pause after 'know' in the 2nd line and the words seem so much clearer.
Love it
1st Feb 2018 2:13pm
Thank you so much for your time and I appreciate also your criticism. I hope you had a good Australia Day weekend:)
xoxo
xoxo
1st Feb 2018 2:13pm
Thank you so much for your time and I appreciate also your criticism. I hope you had a good Australia Day weekend:)
xoxo
xoxo
