deepundergroundpoetry.com
I, I, I, & more me.
Sinful morals clouds happiness within I
And know not wait till pitiful forgiveness
releases the fighting shame forevermore
living a losing battle to be pure perfection to
the deluded eyes of all creation.
And so I bloom like a black flower with the vile stench of scars from the heart, oh so desolate.
And know not wait till pitiful forgiveness
releases the fighting shame forevermore
living a losing battle to be pure perfection to
the deluded eyes of all creation.
And so I bloom like a black flower with the vile stench of scars from the heart, oh so desolate.
Published 15th Sep 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 2
comments 7
reads 923
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
16th Sep 2016 00:40am
Love it, the wording, the message. Maybe I just get the feeling and not all of the sense but it touches me deeply. Thank you.
21st Sep 2016 5:06pm
Hey that's weird coz I wrote this out of feeling not making much sense in technique hahaha thank you Miss Chi:)
16th Sep 2016 6:03pm
21st Sep 2016 5:07pm
I don't have much poetic techniques so I wrote out of emotion and so glad you understood thank you:)
There's something about this poem sadsmiles which is very deep even though I find it slightly difficult to read, literally.
The last line is...heartwrenching.
A suggestion...in the first line, drop the 's' on clouds for better flow.
I just read it again and mentally inserted a pause after 'know' in the 2nd line and the words seem so much clearer.
Love it
The last line is...heartwrenching.
A suggestion...in the first line, drop the 's' on clouds for better flow.
I just read it again and mentally inserted a pause after 'know' in the 2nd line and the words seem so much clearer.
Love it
1st Feb 2018 2:13pm
Thank you so much for your time and I appreciate also your criticism. I hope you had a good Australia Day weekend:)
xoxo
xoxo
1st Feb 2018 2:13pm
Thank you so much for your time and I appreciate also your criticism. I hope you had a good Australia Day weekend:)
xoxo
xoxo
