Sometimes i wonder

Sometimes I wonder if I’m ‘strong’ enough to proclaim Your name.
If I’m sanctified enough to courageously lay claim on you. If I know you enough to claim your attributes. If I’m good enough to be believable. But I feel this pull in my heart. This thing that say shout your name. that which wants to know God and all that there is to him. I feel this great pull to be yours and you mine. I can’t explain it. I’m drawn to your word. I’m excited to discover what it says, about you, about me, about how we fit inextricably into each other. I’m so excited. But I’m also plagued with fear, doubt and guilt. I disappoint you every day. Your word says I’m forgiven, I’m worthy, I’m able. Your word says I’m worth a thousand men. I’m worth one holy man. I’m worth the son of man. You see a goodness in me I cannot comprehend. You see a likeness of you in me. You see a daughter worth loving, a daughter worth dying for, worth blessing, worth sanctifying. You see an instrument of the heavens. A mouth piece to proclaim your beauty, your might, your holiness, your power, your love. You see limbs with which to move mountains, hands that can embrace, a heart that can heal. You see a capability to love ceaselessly in a girl who couldn’t love herself. You teach me love and truth and how inextricable they are, in our secret place. Away from the crowd you call me aside to whisper wisdom into my ears and every day you chisel my character. Every day is new. New to your mercies, new to your love, new to your blessings, new to your anointing, new to your word. Every day the ice of my heart gets thinner as your hot love washes over me. I feel your word deep inside me- the turmoil of your hot living waters flowing from my belly. They overwhelm me, they over flow right through me, they out run me, spilling out of my mouth in gushes. Out my hands, out the way I walk, out the way i talk, out the way I think, out the way I do things. Spilling over every aspect of my life. Living waters, restoring everything that is in me to its original form. Back to the way you’d initially meant me to be.