5: 30:  The Contorted Heart

Excerpt 30 from Journal 5, 'Reaching My True Love'
   -From 'Journals to My True Love, Part 2':
 
Pray for me, My Love that I might survive the perils I face everyday...
See me in pale glowing glory in front of you... Hear me as I call you to answer...
Guide me out of darkness and into daylight... Tend to and support my tattered
   self as I crumble... Help me stand straight in your midst...
My Love, I need your help so badly yet I am afraid to ask for it...
I feel so unworthy...  I have never been understood by such a caring man...
I have never been supported by one who would support me as you would...
The heartache I have endured has sickened me, my heart contorts...
I have survived this poverty as well as a financial one...
I have felt like the worlds garbage discarded...
Only you can recycle my heart to rebuild it...
Please allow me to love you in all my madness...
Please help me to see things clearly through the fog of my past disappointments...
Please have mercy on me in the containment of bitter poisons...
Only lie in rest with me and I will regain balance...
Take my disturbed self into your safe harbor...
Please realize it is all or nothing for I am too weak to face it alone...
You must allow me to exist in your heart or these writings will go in the
   trash when I am near death...
There is no one left but you to hear me, My Love...  I pray you will...
I have many years left to live this solitary existence, it is a heavy burden
   to carry the gift of myself with no recipient to share it with...
I tire of carrying it for it weighs me down...
Make me feel alive again, My Love...  Recieve these writings to entertain you...
They are a sensual tale I hold in anticipation of meeting you, My Love...