deepundergroundpoetry.com
Wanting..
As our lips meet, time has stop. He can hear her heart beating faster and faster...She can't control her anger towards him..he pins her down..he kisses her neck, bites her neck..he ever so slowly moves to her chest as he watches her takes a deep breath... She begins to moan, bites her lips, her eyes starts to roll, she clenched the bed sheets...He teases her with little kissed from her breast to her stomach...He proceeds lower....
Published 12th Jul 2016
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13th Jul 2016 11:50pm
Welcome to DU A_Young_Man...enjoyed reading your words and the picture forming...
I'd like to make a couple of grammatical suggestions...which could be dangerous because I'm not the best at these ;-)
First sentence, change 'our' to 'their' because in the rest of the writing you've used 'third person' not 'first person'...in doing this you would also need to delete 'has' and add an 's' to stop.
Delete 's' on 'takes a deep breath...'
Where you have 'clenched' change to 'clenches' as it makes it present and not past time
Where you have 'kissed' change to 'kisses from her breast to her....
I'd like to make a couple of grammatical suggestions...which could be dangerous because I'm not the best at these ;-)
First sentence, change 'our' to 'their' because in the rest of the writing you've used 'third person' not 'first person'...in doing this you would also need to delete 'has' and add an 's' to stop.
Delete 's' on 'takes a deep breath...'
Where you have 'clenched' change to 'clenches' as it makes it present and not past time
Where you have 'kissed' change to 'kisses from her breast to her....
14th Jul 2016 10:08pm
