Self-Inflicted

 
All the things I tried to breathe life into
Sleep on the floor in one room
Piled high in the corners and hung from the walls

Stitched limbs hang from their sockets
Right arms to left shoulders
Left arms to right
Threads cut and sliding back through every hole
Pulled out by a single knot

Their eyes look at me
Dead and accusing

They are only reflections of my own guilt

All the cold lips I thought I could kiss to awaken
All the lead I thought I could turn to gold

     Deformed
     Unchecked
     Unwanted

I know I am just the cancer in my own throat

How could you push me in the wrong direction?
Telling me to swim… telling me I could make it

Did you want to save me or to watch me drown?

I've been rotting since the day I invited this bug into my brain

A tick burrowed deep in grey matter
Fat from all the fluids it has sucked from me

I’m running dry
Cracked and withered
My paper-thin skin
Paper-cuts me when I try to hug myself

It seems impossible to dig this bug from my brain without killing myself

Could I ever relearn what it means to be human?

Would there be anything left of me without this parasite?

I’ll feed the tick
I’ll be the monster

I am too far gone

The host is now the hostage



Crying from my tongue
For all the curses I've hung around my neck

I won’t be a victim… not even to myself.