Neglect

 I don’t want to stay home and be alone
Why can’t I just go and at least try to do
what I
want in life and be something that will make me happy.
You’re always talking
down to me like im nothing
just like your mother did to you.
You call me the worst so you can pick yourself up.
You always jump the gun and think im doing something
that im really not. Then you don’t believe me if I was to tell you other wise.

You think im you but im not…   
tension fills the house up as if it was boiling to
at its peek.
you push buttons as if your waiting to see what you get...
my ears
rings to every time you raise your voice to its maximum ...
I have a tendency
to yell back at you.
Then right there we block everything out,
but what we are
trying to get across.
We go on and on and yet it’s so loud
I can’t even hear myself think until we both stop to take a breath.
Do you even know what I am
about,
or that I cry in my sleep?
Or do you just sit on the couch
and look at
the flashing box in your living room called a TV.

People say that im like you ...but im not  
 You
always catch me day dreaming.
Assuming it’s about some boy or secret lover.
But
its not, little do you know it’s about you.
Im always dreaming, hoping,
wondering,
what it would be like if you loved and cared for me.
wishing,
wishing that my day dreams are reality
and my reality are just my nightmares,

but there not because when I day dream
there’s always that voice I hear,
telling
me that im nothing and that I will never be nothing
.. So I wonder whose voice
is it,
then I realize its just you telling me these things
for your
satisfaction
just so I can do what you want me to do
... so I ask , are you
satisfied?
 Why should I even let you walk all over me
like if
you needed something to walk on?
You put me down and yet I feel sorry for you

when I think about doing something
that makes you unhappy. How is that so?
Always thinking that you will
just change someday,
Thinking if I was to work hard in life for me
that im
actually doing well.
You put up an act as a mask
just to show your mascullance

and people buy this crap.
but im the only one that actuality knows the truth.
 it gets
harder for me to talk about how I feel
if every person keeps coming up to me
saying  
"OH! Your dad"/"OH Your mom"
 really cares for you and only wants the best for you”  
Are you serious?!

 
 all she can
say is that I wasn’t good enough
 and he would say is that I would never amount to
anything
 but mom....NO  
but dad!! NO!!  
Hello?!!!!  
silence is what I hear on the other end
 just like the lips of someone that I was suppose to
look up to
 mom? ... dad?
 Nothing