deepundergroundpoetry.com
Soon
darkness twists at my soul,
as the corners of the earth unfold.
goodnight to the wolf-bitten moon,
soon my love.
soon.
as the corners of the earth unfold.
goodnight to the wolf-bitten moon,
soon my love.
soon.
Published 18th Jun 2016
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likes 3
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comments 4
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Anonymous
18th Jun 2016 12:17pm
the darkness is compelling and egnimatic
19th Jun 2016 6:48am
21st Jun 2016 12:44pm
not that i'm one to comment on cliche but the opening is a bit old hat down here in du. it may put some off.
the rhyme is imaginative though, and smooth, and the phrasing is poetic, "twists *at* my soul" instead of the more obvious "in" my soul, the active voice or whatever it is gives it the movement it needs. very mysterious about the earth's corners unfurling, puts in mind maps, travelling and the like, which is not immediately linked to your opening line about darkness. then you come in with the "soon my love soon" so there is now a waiting, and a distance, and a darkness at one end of it and an innocence on the other. it feels like a plan is being constructed in secret. a vampire is cross countrying to take a bite out of his favourite lady. a stalker is mapping out his kidnap at midnight.
or a long distance relationship between a crazy poet and a normie.
so it's got a good hint of ominosity but bear in mind that it is something we have seen before in various states of edit. saying that, you done it amazingly well, each word works for its place.
"wolf-bitten moon" is a great image.
the rhyme is imaginative though, and smooth, and the phrasing is poetic, "twists *at* my soul" instead of the more obvious "in" my soul, the active voice or whatever it is gives it the movement it needs. very mysterious about the earth's corners unfurling, puts in mind maps, travelling and the like, which is not immediately linked to your opening line about darkness. then you come in with the "soon my love soon" so there is now a waiting, and a distance, and a darkness at one end of it and an innocence on the other. it feels like a plan is being constructed in secret. a vampire is cross countrying to take a bite out of his favourite lady. a stalker is mapping out his kidnap at midnight.
or a long distance relationship between a crazy poet and a normie.
so it's got a good hint of ominosity but bear in mind that it is something we have seen before in various states of edit. saying that, you done it amazingly well, each word works for its place.
"wolf-bitten moon" is a great image.
21st Jun 2016 6:25pm
