deepundergroundpoetry.com
I wish you were mine.
Your amazing the way you are
I can't think but only feel amazed when i'm with you.
Your beutiful eyes and soft hair it make it so hard not to stare
I love your smile and rosie cheeks there so soft to the touch and so very sweet
I love to stare into your dark brown eyes.
I think about you all the time.
I wish you were mine..
I love your shy smile and your giggle and laugh.
I fell inlove with that.
When we talked on the phone I fell inlove with your voice.
It was calming and sweet uber charming to.
I guess I feel inlove with you.
You have her tho.
I wish I was her.
I'd love you more then her.
Maybe I already do. Who knows.
I just wish you were mine..
I can't think but only feel amazed when i'm with you.
Your beutiful eyes and soft hair it make it so hard not to stare
I love your smile and rosie cheeks there so soft to the touch and so very sweet
I love to stare into your dark brown eyes.
I think about you all the time.
I wish you were mine..
I love your shy smile and your giggle and laugh.
I fell inlove with that.
When we talked on the phone I fell inlove with your voice.
It was calming and sweet uber charming to.
I guess I feel inlove with you.
You have her tho.
I wish I was her.
I'd love you more then her.
Maybe I already do. Who knows.
I just wish you were mine..
Published 15th Jul 2011
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Anonymous
20th Jul 2011 3:02am
I saw that you said 'It's just a poem about popcorn; my others are much better.' so I decided to look and see what you meant by that (if they were more grammatically correct, more thought out, or just better in general).
So I must ask one question: do you review these before you ship them out and press the 'submit' button? Do you spell check them? Do you make sure that you're using the right there, their, they're? Are these small mistakes that we all miss or are these simply laziness? I guess that's more than one question, but oh well.
Anyhow,
I think that with proper grammar, your poetry could be very good. This, for example, needs a bit of a renovation:
L1: You're
L2: Beautiful, and I think that it would sound better as "Your beautiful eyes and soft hair make it so hard to not stare."
L3: They're
L9,10,12: In love
L11: Uber's an interesting word, too
13: Though
Please don't think that I'm trying to be rude, because I'm not. I'm just trying to help.
So I must ask one question: do you review these before you ship them out and press the 'submit' button? Do you spell check them? Do you make sure that you're using the right there, their, they're? Are these small mistakes that we all miss or are these simply laziness? I guess that's more than one question, but oh well.
Anyhow,
I think that with proper grammar, your poetry could be very good. This, for example, needs a bit of a renovation:
L1: You're
L2: Beautiful, and I think that it would sound better as "Your beautiful eyes and soft hair make it so hard to not stare."
L3: They're
L9,10,12: In love
L11: Uber's an interesting word, too
13: Though
Please don't think that I'm trying to be rude, because I'm not. I'm just trying to help.
20th Jul 2011 7:06am
