deepundergroundpoetry.com
In Perpetuity II
I watch the sand grains slip through endlessly,
recall our past pluperfect enmeshed in each other,
in dreams that led us to forget ourselves.
I've tried to shelve the days and nights of
"...wish we were..."
and scanned horizons for what will be.
I thought I'd need to scour my mind free
of any part of you. I've now buried us
where our hearts beat in silent unison.
Sadness and yearning brought us together.
We shifted sand dunes to make treasured moments,
those memories hidden, tattooed under our skin.
And so I sit, watching the days slip,
bittersweet, one grain at a time -
each grown into a pearl of wonder
worn near my heart until our days run out.
This is a second version, after incorporating some feedback, mostly from Lepperochan. Still working on it. I wanted to compare the two versions side by side.
recall our past pluperfect enmeshed in each other,
in dreams that led us to forget ourselves.
I've tried to shelve the days and nights of
"...wish we were..."
and scanned horizons for what will be.
I thought I'd need to scour my mind free
of any part of you. I've now buried us
where our hearts beat in silent unison.
Sadness and yearning brought us together.
We shifted sand dunes to make treasured moments,
those memories hidden, tattooed under our skin.
And so I sit, watching the days slip,
bittersweet, one grain at a time -
each grown into a pearl of wonder
worn near my heart until our days run out.
This is a second version, after incorporating some feedback, mostly from Lepperochan. Still working on it. I wanted to compare the two versions side by side.
Published 4th Jun 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 649
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
4th Jun 2016 6:50pm
OMG I'm in some kind of alternate universe.
Here's a thought.
In Perpetuity I
"Bittersweet days slip through the hourglass.
I watch the sand grains, ................"
In Perpetuity II
"I watch the sand grains slip through endlessly,"
In Perpetuity III
"I watch the silica slip through the hourglass,"
This way you can continue to use "sand" and "grains" elsewhere while retaining your hourglass figure.
Here's a thought.
In Perpetuity I
"Bittersweet days slip through the hourglass.
I watch the sand grains, ................"
In Perpetuity II
"I watch the sand grains slip through endlessly,"
In Perpetuity III
"I watch the silica slip through the hourglass,"
This way you can continue to use "sand" and "grains" elsewhere while retaining your hourglass figure.
4th Jun 2016 7:52pm
Now you want me to waist-train for my poetry? Are you a sadist or something?? LOL
Anonymous
4th Jun 2016 11:20pm
All my brilliance is waisted on you.
5th Jun 2016 00:12am
