The Elephant Lady

The elephant lady is at it again!
She's thumping and bumping with all might and main.
She's not next door; she's not in my bed;
Perhaps you have guessed it – she's right overhead.

The elephant lady is at it again.
It's long past midnight; she must be in pain!
The floorboards she jumps on vibrate in my chest;
And just why she does it will never be guessed.

It's no good me trying to flee far away;
Whatever I do, she still has her say
with a thump and a bump and an extra high jump.
When the hall clock strikes twelve I'm a quivering lump.

The elephant lady - she must be quite large;
posterior gigantum, a rear like a barge.
So what can I do to but get out of bed,
while she pounds on the ceiling with great lumps of lead?

The elephant lady has taken her toll;
It's Saturday night and she's on quite a roll,
For someone is with her, a lover I think;
The racket they're making will drive me to drink.

I'm a terrible coward; I never seek trouble!
From contention and strife I flee at the double.
But now I must beard her, or go round the twist;
I'll wait till I meet her - then wave my clenched fist.

Today …  there she was, not monstrous but slim;
Her beautiful blue eyes, her body so trim.
Her melodious voice took my breath quite away;
Of her thumps on the ceiling … I'd nothing to say.