deepundergroundpoetry.com
A journey of a tear
Journey of a tear
Someone please call 911, cause I'm on the edge
Dazed and confused nothing is clear
Except, that I'm dangling from this ledge.
Wondering how did I get HERE?!
Looking back I see,
everything was good with me
I was relaxed, had chips, had dip, had beer
but then,
a cloud of sadness overtook the atmosphere,
and now I'm hanging here, by a hair,
Feeling sick, holding on for dear...
life,
trying to keep a tight grip,
Cause I might slip
resisting the urge to let go,
ignoring the need to "go with the flow".
The crowd is yelling below "let go!"
and "whats the hold up let's go"
Overwhelmed and sadden. my demise is near.
The end is here I am consumed with fear.
Comforted by the thoughts that end will be quick
short, sweet and that will be the end of it
If I just let go, maybe I'll slide,
Like a hand, that glides
on the side of a lovers cheek,
wouldn't that be sweet!
Thats if I'm lucky but, if I miss...
damn, that would be ugly.
Then it's splat onto the street.
Life's journey is complete,
as I become just another puddle on the
cold concrete.
Someone please call 911, cause I'm on the edge
Dazed and confused nothing is clear
Except, that I'm dangling from this ledge.
Wondering how did I get HERE?!
Looking back I see,
everything was good with me
I was relaxed, had chips, had dip, had beer
but then,
a cloud of sadness overtook the atmosphere,
and now I'm hanging here, by a hair,
Feeling sick, holding on for dear...
life,
trying to keep a tight grip,
Cause I might slip
resisting the urge to let go,
ignoring the need to "go with the flow".
The crowd is yelling below "let go!"
and "whats the hold up let's go"
Overwhelmed and sadden. my demise is near.
The end is here I am consumed with fear.
Comforted by the thoughts that end will be quick
short, sweet and that will be the end of it
If I just let go, maybe I'll slide,
Like a hand, that glides
on the side of a lovers cheek,
wouldn't that be sweet!
Thats if I'm lucky but, if I miss...
damn, that would be ugly.
Then it's splat onto the street.
Life's journey is complete,
as I become just another puddle on the
cold concrete.
Published 9th Jul 2011
| Edited 10th Jul 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
This poem sends me mixed messages, on one level I see an articulate extended metaphor. On another level I see a very literal poem that would benefit from a metaphorical description and emotion. The vicarious experience is lost in this poem and I long to feel the dread and sadness that your persona is experiencing. However, the title shows a clear metaphorical story, the only downside is the lack of emotion. Well written though, I enjoyed reading it (:
