deepundergroundpoetry.com
Day Versus Night
Dreams brought into the day
The stardust quickly fades away
The dancing light of fire
Loses its ability to create desire
Bruises hurt when lust fades away
Then only the bruises stay
Secrets created in the safety of the dark
Become known at the sound of the lark
There is pain in the light
A certain safety in the night
The stardust quickly fades away
The dancing light of fire
Loses its ability to create desire
Bruises hurt when lust fades away
Then only the bruises stay
Secrets created in the safety of the dark
Become known at the sound of the lark
There is pain in the light
A certain safety in the night
Published 13th Apr 2016
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
13th Apr 2016 8:12pm
15th Apr 2016 4:20am
Wish you hadn't chosen that of all birds to signify your morning snap back. As a triggering event to put your reader through a twist that's a key emotional point. As such your sense of timing is hot. High impact verbal dynamics is coming smoothly with your recent work for months now.
But damn I wish you hadn't picked that bird for your example, just for alllll the times I ever held anyone and said "...sure. And we can pretend this is just a lark."
Careful what you craft with words. They're magic and magic has teeth.
But damn I wish you hadn't picked that bird for your example, just for alllll the times I ever held anyone and said "...sure. And we can pretend this is just a lark."
Careful what you craft with words. They're magic and magic has teeth.
