Inordinate

You were throwing razors out of windows
then giving me a reason to wish metal could gravitate backwards

I can’t help but turn to hate as my throat rips anew.

You were tiny cartoon shadows
leaves became limbs
and the arms I shook between

christmas became snow-less

I fought frantically to seduce a response
from a body I couldn’t permeate

without words or temper
I learnt to be still

now my violated breath can’t reach you

abiding time
I bided time
till we were arguing over mexican food

I can feel my entire chest

planes went over the windscreen
and words went over my head

I wanted to set sticks on fire
so you could see what it meant for my face to light up
stick a sparkler in your eye so you could look at me like I deserved

attempt to separate
from the plastic surgeon I was bound to

I’ve defected
his hair is dark
and he made me drink when I wanted to die
but sat in a bar with my feet on the bench in a perfect parallel
I aligned
for once in my life