Purgatory, Long Poem to Heaven

They say Purgatory
is the space between
heaven and hell
so is it purgatory
when a son tries to get to heaven
while
his father is going through hell

I am perplexed
Why So little Good happens around me
While I remain a Good person

I am perplexed
Am I of little Faith
Am I of Great faith

I don't know
All I know is that
I have so many ups and downs
So many factors

I sometimes wonder
If I am truly me
If I am comfortable with me

Have you ever looked outside a window
And wondered why you are feeling the breeze from the inside

Am I ashamed
Why am I Sane
Yet I was raised
By insanity

Why Am I a saint
Who has been raised by sinners
Now I find sin creeping up my spine
That way I keep my hands clean

I pray to a God I cannot see
They call this blind faith
Yet I can't let go of the feeling
That I am loved

Am I living in a paradox
Feeling love
In a world of Hate
Feeling Pleasure
In the Pain

I have never had it all
Yet I'm always in a circle
Of people who actually have it all

I am part of a history filled with pain
And Heartache
Yet I am suppose to smile
While my mother grieves

We are living in a insane world
Pantopticism all around us
Yet we must find Joy
In the Havoc

Now I cannot sleep
And I Write this poem
I'm still deciding on the reason

Or Maybe I just need a reason
To go on
Go on with it all
My dreams and Ambitions

Because All I have now are my words
And My undying spirit
Which was once a wild beast
Now Tamed by circumstance

I don't know if this poem will end
I'm just blowing off steam
Yet I am not angry

Lord Bless this Day
My will still want me to conquer
But Your will, will be done
Damn stuck in my religious childhood
And My spiritual Youth that seeks no religion

So what is purgatory
to a person who has been raised in hell whilst being promised Heaven?