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Her pain is wrong
Her heart said no
He used her for a silly show
now shes gone couldn't handle herself
she jumped off that bridge
the way he touched her mouth
Her heart said no
He used her for a silly show
now shes gone couldn't handle herself
she jumped off that bridge
the way he touched her mouth
Published 5th Jul 2011
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likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 3
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The author encourages honest critique.
5th Jul 2011 6:32am
I'm sorry, I don't want to really add anything to this that may offend you or anything but I dunno, I got the feeling that the last line could be "and he touched himself". Isn't that creepy? Yeah, awesome, lol. I like the concept, seems a little bland and commercial at first, I'd like to see some more odd and abnormal phrasing and wording. I can see the potential in your work here, really nice stuff. I just personally really like shock and awe poetry, shock being disturbing, disgusting, and awe being cute, or surprisingly romantic. You know? Just saying. :) Can't wait to see more of your work.
5th Jul 2011 3:05pm
5th Apr 2013 5:41pm
Insular and like a punch to the face.
Intensity is too often prolonged and drawn out.
I enjoyed it very much.
Intensity is too often prolonged and drawn out.
I enjoyed it very much.
