deepundergroundpoetry.com
Unfiltered refusal
You want that filter...
The one that's gone,back in place?
You want this intensity,buried.
You want it outta' your face?
Not a chance,princess.
I'm not hangin' kisses on boots,anymore.
You threaten me?
There's the door.
I don't want you gone,
I just want you out of my way.
Don't step in front of a train,
barreling down...
Spittin' smoke,and flame.
That's a good way to get hurt.
You can't blame the train.
That's just how they work.
Stand aside.
Enjoy being spectator for awhile.
I've spun my wheels for so long.
It's time to start gathering miles.
The one that's gone,back in place?
You want this intensity,buried.
You want it outta' your face?
Not a chance,princess.
I'm not hangin' kisses on boots,anymore.
You threaten me?
There's the door.
I don't want you gone,
I just want you out of my way.
Don't step in front of a train,
barreling down...
Spittin' smoke,and flame.
That's a good way to get hurt.
You can't blame the train.
That's just how they work.
Stand aside.
Enjoy being spectator for awhile.
I've spun my wheels for so long.
It's time to start gathering miles.
Published 1st Mar 2016
| Edited 2nd Mar 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 7
reads 661
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
1st Mar 2016 11:18pm
Good work. We weren't born to be hamsters in a cage. Been there done that and sent my t-shirts to charity.
Because you have asked for honest critique, again, the form disrupts the flow of the piece. Not that there
are any conclusive rules to form or writing that can't be broken, it's important to know them so you know
HOW to break them. I don't know what you're writing on - a phone, perhaps? Maybe my screen is off.
Because you have asked for honest critique, again, the form disrupts the flow of the piece. Not that there
are any conclusive rules to form or writing that can't be broken, it's important to know them so you know
HOW to break them. I don't know what you're writing on - a phone, perhaps? Maybe my screen is off.
1st Mar 2016 11:22pm
Heehee..
I'm so glad you enjoyed.. I think my style is going to drive you crazy,though... Lol!
I just ain't lookin' to change.
It's me...on a plate.
All art is.
I just never cared for definitions..or rules.
Again,so glad you enjoyed.
-Jmrs
I'm so glad you enjoyed.. I think my style is going to drive you crazy,though... Lol!
I just ain't lookin' to change.
It's me...on a plate.
All art is.
I just never cared for definitions..or rules.
Again,so glad you enjoyed.
-Jmrs
1st Mar 2016 11:36pm
Okay! You just said you needed an editor in your former answer!
I personally don't think it's your style. I don't think you've developed your style yet.
I think that's just happening. Anyway, this isn't about you. I'm not seeing you;
I'm seeing the poem. Poetry becomes its own entity once born from a poet.
It grows up, walks the streets in a nomadic state, finding shelter in every heart
that reads. Some kick it out for no want or room; others take it in for admiration
or love, feed it, help it grow. Either way, it's made an impact.
What I see is how much more powerfully effective it can become without all the
road blocks of form and punctuation. I see you like Bukowski. He is one of my
poetry gods. If you like Bukowski, then you've read Bukowski enough to know
he knew how to break the rules, and did it well.
Welcome to DUP, where sometimes our answers are just as raw as the poems
posted.
I personally don't think it's your style. I don't think you've developed your style yet.
I think that's just happening. Anyway, this isn't about you. I'm not seeing you;
I'm seeing the poem. Poetry becomes its own entity once born from a poet.
It grows up, walks the streets in a nomadic state, finding shelter in every heart
that reads. Some kick it out for no want or room; others take it in for admiration
or love, feed it, help it grow. Either way, it's made an impact.
What I see is how much more powerfully effective it can become without all the
road blocks of form and punctuation. I see you like Bukowski. He is one of my
poetry gods. If you like Bukowski, then you've read Bukowski enough to know
he knew how to break the rules, and did it well.
Welcome to DUP, where sometimes our answers are just as raw as the poems
posted.
2nd Mar 2016 00:36am
I love it,thank you so much.
I agree completely. I recently started this dream back up. I'm just blurtin out the stuff spontaneously, as inspiration occurs. Not really considering form,or approach. Just belting it out. But,yeah an editor could really help. Maybe someday. But,for now enjoy the train wreck..lol.
I'm having too much fun with it to adjust,although I do very much value the input.
-cheers
Jmrs
I agree completely. I recently started this dream back up. I'm just blurtin out the stuff spontaneously, as inspiration occurs. Not really considering form,or approach. Just belting it out. But,yeah an editor could really help. Maybe someday. But,for now enjoy the train wreck..lol.
I'm having too much fun with it to adjust,although I do very much value the input.
-cheers
Jmrs
2nd Mar 2016 00:54am
Keep going; the content is fantastic. Don't stop for form or broken tracks. Plow through them. When your season of spontaneity has past, you will have time for edits.
2nd Mar 2016 00:59am
Oh wow!
Get outta my brain,I was thinking the same thing!!
You are helping more than you know,my friend.I am very thankful for your kindness.
So grateful.
-j
Get outta my brain,I was thinking the same thing!!
You are helping more than you know,my friend.I am very thankful for your kindness.
So grateful.
-j
We're all in the same boat rowing toward our island with words.
You're very welcome.
You're very welcome.
