Change the bedding.

I couldn't love him; I had to accept it. I couldn't embrace the fact that these sheets will always be wet. Not only from my secretions and his cum on the bed but from my tears of pain from the pressure and the unsaid. You passionately bring grief to my life, to wear the ax looks good enough to kill the crying. You try to shower me with bewildering gifts but I can only imagine who's buying them. You are not for me, for I am a blissful tree craving water from my being I call a companion. You will take care of me for as long as you shall live, for when you die I will too, we will be nature's Bonnie and Clyde... But I don't see these characteristics in you. I can't see you embodying my love, my touch, my soul, my mind, my heart, the rough touch of my skin, and drenched, sappy holes when it rains. You climbed the latter up into my mind to pick off every Apple until they fell heavily making sounds of broken leaves, just to open me up, and help me gain the strength to pick my sagging branches up. You made such efforts and you still left, I guess that's what happens when things go unsaid. Starting to feel that I was convenient and you were only borrowing me for the moment, because I was down in out and broken, and YOU took advantage of my vulnerability... YOU! YOU! YOU! I blame you, that I can't love! I hate YOU! You're kind, only to deceive and feast on the hurt towering beast that you once accepted. Wasting time! Ruining Life! Why?! But I can only blame me for this broken knife that lies, and killed all of my vines. The same knife you used to build me up, that consistently broke me down, the same knife has stabbed more than 20 times.. And it hurts, yes it does. Gave you the most and you chose bud. Gave you the brains, it wasn't enough, showed you affection but it wasn't close to love. Gave you my time, attention, not to mention, that I was caught in my own delusions. I smiled, even though I was down and out, and honestly you were the reason for my smile. So hopefully I can dig deep in myself and find the root to my problems...  until then I'll water myself, and sprout until I'm in trouble.. For a while.. Figuratively speaking.