Erotic color to a Hikikomori

Seeing the colors fall down to all shapes from gravity's rainbow,
we come to a very point to elation right after the despondency,
were seen with beauty, only with the eyes of instinct and rush of pure imagination,
as sweet as it can be, like sugar, a lust that taste as only sour, and seen from a trapped place,
from this you can only exhibit a the reality of isolated corners, and with isolation there is no indeed a real progress, just an imagination in its growth.

from seeing thing,s like warm thick curves on a body, to strong and tender limbs on browk.
there is nothing but lies in mind of mere angels that come to mind as they watch us, pure imagination contrived from gravity's rainbow and only a illusion of mirrors that can make beautiful erotic colors,

when thinking of contact,a sensation that is, felt, from the veins only sinks in a deeper struggle, that lies in a path farther away in the futures dark shadow, an older self, still lock, with a non-knowledgeable quorum, of what contact could be, locked away in pure isolation

"their seems to be no existent reality between, you getting to know me and i
for there is... after all, their is, no real contact, for me just the humiliation of my fictional desires a poor unfathomable dream swept up in cocoon of trash, made by my pure isolation
and beautiful colors that amuse me on a screen, that's all their is, to see in the eyes of my life,
shapes and curves that amuse me,
okaasan, is deeply ashamed
shisuta, nows
ani, doesnt get it
and even otosan, just remains silent
while the screen, the screen just doesn't talk to me,
it only feeds me, something that was missing, something that was either lost from another time ago or something i've never gotten, a connection
were my heart isn't really tearing
without the connection, the erotic colors displayed are the only real things that amuse me, and are really meaningless without the full touch of contact.

Which is something i am ashamed to admit , but either deny or choose to accept it,
its either ignore my issue with ignorance, or look in the real mirror, and acknowledged my failure and admit i am one who has to start over, a devastating fall into a much scarier darkest and none acceptance from the imagination.
That or take a risk to find some light, with a connection
I truly do not think you get to know someone over the internet, I now so.. so many times...
because with the internet there is only real connection,
but without it, is only a lose in connection
and fear that awaits me to surpass from outside.

i guess i'll just wait until tomorrow, or next year...