ugh

are these parts of me i hid under alcoholism and blank absences are these parts of me that gain strength the less i socalise? i am pained by the inability to reciprocate and i hurt all over anyway the real loss is not my life but my living i am paranoid but i still think i'm right about it i will now make plans to kill myself excuse me a minute stop laughing please, i'm not part of your web of shimmering consciousness i am still alone in my head how dare you try to talk i can see the falsity of everything and all that's unintended your unconscious lie  to me it breaks my heart again the thousandth time my self realisation has ended in tears, the ten thousand nerve endings in my chest cavity crying out yelling in pain all i can do is wonder when it will stop remember breathing techniques and tell myself how stupid i am///

///if you'd only come here when I'm in my element and i swim through the bullshit with grace and elegance I'd be lifting my legs over my head in one smooth motion to fill myself with your burning excellence climbing over your chest to teach you to lay still when I suck your nipples and you'll like what I tell you to like boy curve your hand over my thigh and place your thumb on th - right there yeah---

---palms pressed up against the window the world can see the true glorious depravity of ravaged young flesh making the most of our physical senses before they too crumble to dust rinse wash at forty degrees and repeat see my joy is like the ghost of a child you pervert you twisted thrusting menace and i need you now to cum, release, but afterwards

don't leave me alone...