So I Lay

I’ve reached
but as usual
no sign of congratulations
or welcome parties
just an overwhelming
feeling of complete
done. finished.
I’ve dropped
and my last bit of energy
was spent falling
but resisting cement
and now Im a little more convinced
that along with my spirit
my body is broken
and not to be easily fixed
and frankly
i really don’t want it tampered with
so i lay

drained but quenched
spent but not owned
used but not wanted
and when i see a hand
to reach down
i lay there blankly
not giving a response
because when response happens
it changes the situation
and when situations change
promises are broken
and if you take that hand
and the higher and longer you allow them
to pull you up
the harder you fall when they let go
and they will
they always do.
This time I don’t want a hand
I don’t want to hear the words
Its going to be okay
I don’t want to be cheered on
then left more dead then i had been that same day
I just want someone to shut up
let go of their pride
get on their side
and lay with me

not saying anything
not touching me
but just giving time to seem to try
to understand
to look into my eyes
that have been filled with sand
from people rushing past
and upsetting a cloud of dust
the world seems so much more in a rush
if they think they can avoid being the person to help
by quickening their steps
and not making eye contact
and maybe they step on a few fingers along the way
and what trips them up for a second
effects your whole day
but they still roll their eyes
and maybe turn their heads
to see if you’ll apologise
for being in the way

but no
i still lay
not giving a reaction
because secretly i wish
i would be stomped on
until the cement cracks
and I sink into it
so no one can give me that look of pity
and no one who tries to offer a hand
can reach down into the depth
and maybe the gap in the walk way
will be filled in
not even knowing I’m down within
and I’ll be covered, disguised
and no one will ever know
I just needed a friend
to lay with.