deepundergroundpoetry.com
Once
Patterns of kisses,
a joy to feel,
as the heart is wrapped within
such heat,
I feel as if your touch burns me,
each electric drives me,
to take you on.
Your love is maddening,
suffocate me with such high,
I can't wait,
you truely have me tamed,
but i wouldn't mind if it's you.
I fell for you the first time,
and my feelings remain true,
I will not lose it,
as long as you stay truthful to me,
I remain with you,
and love me as I love you,
my sweetheart,
I'd give up for you,
if you wanted me to do so..~
Dreamy stars seems to blink much brighter,
I assume it's your doing,
my prince who captivates me with so much yearn,
you pull at my h-e-a-r-t,
I feel like i can't breathe,
every time,
it's the same feeling.
I want you right now,
next to me,
but your so far,
away from me,
do you even know that i love you this much? ~
Published 12th Dec 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
12th Dec 2015 6:17am
Nice work Lalaine :) I really enjoy the romantic side of you and your writes. You can tell that when you do love someone you love with all you heart... everything you've got :)
13th Dec 2015 5:11am
Haha, Thank you so much!! :)
> u < I'm glad. AHhhh...i'm such a hopeless romantic if you didn't know already LMAO.
I quite do love someone with all my heart when it happens... sometimes its bad for me! lol
but yeah~ thank you so much Aaron! :)
> u < I'm glad. AHhhh...i'm such a hopeless romantic if you didn't know already LMAO.
I quite do love someone with all my heart when it happens... sometimes its bad for me! lol
but yeah~ thank you so much Aaron! :)
Dreamy stars seems to blink much brighter,
I assume it's your doing,
my prince who captivates me with so much yearn,
you pull at my h-e-a-r-t,
Sweeth e a r t..captivating piece and loved it solid through...this is your genre..think frrrreitas..got dat right..know him..sokay if i roll r's and eyes at him..
You my doll have force...you look bout 12 too...jk..young people hate that..i would kill for it..im.old as fuck..lol
Something is nagging me bout that last line...it drops lalaine...all of this is uplifting and powerful and sure of heart..
Then the last line....
It needs to be declaritive somehow.
One day you will feel.i love you this much..understand..know..but not do you...ask in the beginning fine.
Last lines were tricky for me..id like to say ive conquered..but can still go one toke over the line.
Great stuff tho lil lady! Duely impressed...
Jen
I assume it's your doing,
my prince who captivates me with so much yearn,
you pull at my h-e-a-r-t,
Sweeth e a r t..captivating piece and loved it solid through...this is your genre..think frrrreitas..got dat right..know him..sokay if i roll r's and eyes at him..
You my doll have force...you look bout 12 too...jk..young people hate that..i would kill for it..im.old as fuck..lol
Something is nagging me bout that last line...it drops lalaine...all of this is uplifting and powerful and sure of heart..
Then the last line....
It needs to be declaritive somehow.
One day you will feel.i love you this much..understand..know..but not do you...ask in the beginning fine.
Last lines were tricky for me..id like to say ive conquered..but can still go one toke over the line.
Great stuff tho lil lady! Duely impressed...
Jen
13th Dec 2015 5:14am
Thanks Jen! :) wow, I'm so glad you enjoyed this one! Totally makes me happy too!
LOL. Yeahhh, I do look super young but trust me, I'm old enough lol, I'm 24 haha . I just have a baby face XD
oh? Really? = o hmm.. thank you for the review. ^U^
LOL. Yeahhh, I do look super young but trust me, I'm old enough lol, I'm 24 haha . I just have a baby face XD
oh? Really? = o hmm.. thank you for the review. ^U^
Anonymous
13th Dec 2015 5:24am
Strong effort, Miss Tiramisu.. i see much ability in you.. like Jen, said endings are tough.. but so are beginnings.. the rest just tells the story.. but you gotta hook them in the beginning, and leave them wanting more in the end.. you'll get it..
Dave
Dave
13th Dec 2015 5:43am
Thanks Dave! :)
:) I hope I'll become better at it then~ ^U^ thank you so much for the review!
:) I hope I'll become better at it then~ ^U^ thank you so much for the review!
