The Edge of a Knife

The sharp edge of the knife pressed into my skin splitting it like butter. The crimson tide flowing from my arm frees me from the world. I see the words of life pulsing from me with each slow beat of my heart. The cold metal bites into my skin once more sliding effortlessly down my arm. Each drop of the ruby red liquid gives me a just a little more room to breathe a little more room to fight. The pain clears my mind and the blood frees my heart. Tonight it's just me. Me and the knife that is my life. Tonight I die and tomorrow I shall be reborn. My scars visible like trophies held high in triumph. But tonight, in the dark, I bleed tonight in this room I bathe in red and tomorrow nothing will ever be the same again.

Tomorrow I will awaken. The rage in my heart shall be set free. The hatred I've born, the guilt I still bare, and the fury held inside shall be unleashed. With this knife I cleanse my soul. The cold blade tints my reflection in red. Another cut puts the world into focus. I see the things inside. I see the beast I've become. I see the person I have to be. Every day I walk the fine line between tranquility and disaster. A comment is all it may take to unhinge me. An action of the purest pain could cause my mind to finally shatter.

So here I sit watching myself bleed. I feel the sting and see the crimson flow of life drain from a soul that's been dead for years. I watch and I smile. A vicious curiling of my lips. The monster inside of me has come to say hello. It's hate and bloodlust help me to push the blade against my skin once more. The rush of pain. The bliss if adrenaline as I imagine the fate of those that get in my way. I am an agent of death. An angel fallen to earth for one purpose. The destruction of all I hold dear. For that is what this beast craves. To tear down the fallacy that is my life. To rip apart those I hate. Torture those I love and rip their hearts out and watch as the last drop of their life's blood drips from my hands.

This knife is my only defense it's my only release.  My blood in place of theirs. My pain the purify their loss. For I am not an angel. Not tonight. Tonight I am lost. Tonight I am reborn and tomorrow when everybring changes none will recognize me. None will stand before me. It's not my fault. It is my burden. It's my hatred that will end me for I cannot end it. There is too much. To many things to hate and not enough to love. How can I love? There isn't enough of my sanity left to know what the difference is anymore. For there is a fine line between love and hatered. there has always been but one betrayal that haunts me to this day and that is the betrayal of myself. Of my feelings and of my spirit. I am broken and tonight only the sharp edge of the knife can make those pieces fit back together in some semblance of normalcy. In my blood I am dead and with it's draining. I may just find the peace I so dearly long for. For tonight I will be reborn and tonight I die by the sharp edge of a knife.