deepundergroundpoetry.com
dream
I become aware of your breath
against the frozen wall
of my heart,
of your fingers softly and
without purpose
drawing lines
in the mist
and in the sanctuary of
this golden hour,
in the safety created
by the familiarity
I suddenly feel at home
close my eyes
and find my
rest
against the frozen wall
of my heart,
of your fingers softly and
without purpose
drawing lines
in the mist
and in the sanctuary of
this golden hour,
in the safety created
by the familiarity
I suddenly feel at home
close my eyes
and find my
rest
Published 19th Jun 2011
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comments 6
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
22nd Jun 2011 00:36am
This is a beautifully lyrical piece, short, concise yet brimming with dark romantic images which bind you in their spell. Fantastic.
22nd Jun 2011 9:04am
Thank you kindly. I was unsure if it would work as I wrote it in afrikaans but changed it to english to publish here. And afrikaans just have so many words for which there is no direct translation into english... But you picked up on exactly what I was trying to convey...
Anonymous
- Edited 26th Jun 2011 10:16pm
26th Jun 2011 9:23pm
<< post removed >>
27th Jun 2011 8:10am
Thank you...I am busy translating my old poems to english and this was the first try. Thank you for your reply, it means I am moving in the right direction...
btw, I love your work...you need to put more on!
btw, I love your work...you need to put more on!
6th Jul 2011 12:44pm
The words in this one fall over you like a wave. I think the structure of the poem works well too alongside the content - I always feel in that half-awake dream state that I'm grasping at small phrases or ideas, and I see that reflected in the length of each of the lines in this.
7th Jul 2011 7:32am
Thank you. I was trying to convey that almost "removed from reality" feeling when you fall asleep or wake up. That split second of happiness...contentment...before the real world intrude...
