A Final Goodbye

Once upon a time,
I think I'd lost my mind

I'd smile as you lay hands on me
Force plans on me
Manipulate and shame and guilt trip me until I almost believe
I deserve to be treated worthlessly
Your mind games and kind names play with my head
Unflinching as you stitch my wounds with your dirty needles and tangled thread

My deepest fears and needs used with beautiful precision
Each a very small incision slowly building this new vision
Replacing me with it
Bit by bit
The way that tiny droplets so subtly drip by drip
Create huge formations
Using a combination of kindness and fear
I'm terrified you'll leave but I cower when you're here

I hang there from your strings like a twisted puppet
And you call that love
Though it's nothing that could remotely remind you of it
You methodically took away what little confidence I retained
Invisible restraints made of vague, elusive promises
Gagged with deceitful, venomous kisses

Your soul is full of darkness
Incapable of anything but to be entirely heartless
Yet my heart still beat for you, your very blood spilling from my aching veins
It washed over us, nourishing us like summer rain
I felt for you, where you were numb from the relentless pain and broken
Gave you my entire being without a single doubt or question spoken
 
Not a single ounce of empathy for this fragile soul so desperately begging to be saved
You are not capable of the love you crave
What you call love is abuse
You measure other's worth by how much they are of use for you
As I withered away, to pale gray, your power grew

Still, I was your only hope
Yet you chose to place that noose around your own throat
Lady karma always knows though

The fog clears now
And the wounds heal every day
Though the scars may long remain I think they're pretty anyway
I see now
The extent of the damage, it was savage, I was almost undone
The more I see now, the more grateful I become
That I'm free now

I built this life from all those tears' ashes
I am strong, and this is all that matters
It's time to lay it all to rest
I let it all go.
Goodbye, I wish you all the best.