deepundergroundpoetry.com
If Only
If committing crime was not a sin,
I would commit one so evil,
So sinister,
That I would never again be looked in the eyes by the one
I cherish most.
Oh, this deed is not criminal,
But I will be locked away,
Trapped in my own mind.
I would make him fall for me, slowly,
The way I did him.
Slow, intimate nights,
Nights where I can feel his very essence
Inside of me.
And then, I would break his sorry heart,
The same way he did mine,
If it were just.
But for now I'll watch him from afar,
Undressing him with my eyes,
Picturing what I would do if he were to be mine.
I would commit one so evil,
So sinister,
That I would never again be looked in the eyes by the one
I cherish most.
Oh, this deed is not criminal,
But I will be locked away,
Trapped in my own mind.
I would make him fall for me, slowly,
The way I did him.
Slow, intimate nights,
Nights where I can feel his very essence
Inside of me.
And then, I would break his sorry heart,
The same way he did mine,
If it were just.
But for now I'll watch him from afar,
Undressing him with my eyes,
Picturing what I would do if he were to be mine.
Published 13th Nov 2015
| Edited 16th Nov 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
13th Nov 2015 10:48am
*sigh* I've been there too. It's not just painful, it's excruciating. Wonderful use of words. :)
13th Nov 2015 12:47pm
I too know the feeling of watching someone from across the way...love the way you conveyed feeling within this piece....it made me empathize with your words
14th Nov 2015 6:02am
Bloody Beautiful!
You are so gifted, you just lay it down!
Thank you for this, loved reading this!
So a pointer (as your and my relationship seem to work that way)
Poetry like music, likes rhythm, and rhythm makes the words flow.
see, punctuation in writing is very important and you use it, well. But it is possible to over punctuate...
In a free flow poem (like this)
try Capitalizing only the first letter of an actual sentence, rather than each line...
And then using the end of the line as the punctuation mark, use your punctuation marks if they are mid line
summing like so...
"If committing crime was not a sin
I would commit one so evil
so sinister
that I would never again be looked in the eyes, by the one
I cherish most. "
Then after you publish them, read them out loud to yourself three or four times, and edit accordingly.
This is bloody brilliant, and my critique is purely based on opinion.
You jump mountains with every single new write, it's lovely to watch unfold.
Blue Skies at you
Al
You are so gifted, you just lay it down!
Thank you for this, loved reading this!
So a pointer (as your and my relationship seem to work that way)
Poetry like music, likes rhythm, and rhythm makes the words flow.
see, punctuation in writing is very important and you use it, well. But it is possible to over punctuate...
In a free flow poem (like this)
try Capitalizing only the first letter of an actual sentence, rather than each line...
And then using the end of the line as the punctuation mark, use your punctuation marks if they are mid line
summing like so...
"If committing crime was not a sin
I would commit one so evil
so sinister
that I would never again be looked in the eyes, by the one
I cherish most. "
Then after you publish them, read them out loud to yourself three or four times, and edit accordingly.
This is bloody brilliant, and my critique is purely based on opinion.
You jump mountains with every single new write, it's lovely to watch unfold.
Blue Skies at you
Al
16th Nov 2015 1:53am
Thank you so much! But you're right, I'll definitely take that into account next time I write something.
17th Nov 2015 1:39am
21st Dec 2015 9:07am
