if i must

 

Never had no childhood,
Growing up , i raised myself.  
They were there , but never offered any care
cause they were gone , tweaking on something else .
Everything I learned you can thank my brother .
He was basically my mother .
He tought me everything ,
When no one was , he was there for me
Everything was good for us .
Untill , we came home from school , & mama had disappeared .
I was Abandoned and scared
Why would she skip town with a man and leave me ?
Everyone throwing me apologies .
 I get angry at the pity .
Growing up , I was a daddies girl , he gave us only , what we deserved . he was my world . Trust me , I was never spoiled .
Mom was gone 2 years , then came back and pretended as if she cared.
She only called when convenient , she never cared about my achievements .
When she left I started losing all respect and obeidance ,
on behalf of everybodys inconvenience.
Now I was getting older ,
My heart lowering so many degrees below freezing .
After mom left her family ,
Everything changed for me .
11 years old ,
Moving home to home ,
Cause daddy was always preoccupied , trying to find the feeling of being more alive.  Even tho he was a druggie , he still cared for me .
Had no one leading me.
Just a kid , Was acting grown
I was the boss were i came from
Hanging with a boy who was 17
He took advantage of me .
He took my most prized possession ,
  My innocence was missing , only 11 &  permission was not given.
    No one was ever told .
I could never let them know . They never cared anyways ,
Plus that was back in the old days .
I remember searching for my sanity , and having a fucked up mentality.
Now , im still a youngin but in my mind Im feeling so grown .
Never had , no childhood .
My hearts been growing cold.
I'm Just a youngin' with no aspirations , no hopes or goals .
An empty kid , is all she is .