“Motherless Child”  

Just the other day we spoke and you said; “I don’t look like myself,” well to be honest I haven’t felt like myself for quite a while. Sometimes it’s just a struggle to hold back the tears that still burn deep inside; walking alone looking down attempting to keep my head high, still questioning myself why while walking outside of my own body feeling like I’m trapped in four walls searching for an exodus an exit if possible I’d try wishing on a shooting star.

If God sees fit for my next birthday maybe I’ll make a wish one person dual personalities’ if I had a wish bone all by my lonely I could split it in two. Dearly departed, broken hearted, don’t know when this all started but sometimes I feel like a motherless child and then a voice sings “things are going to get easier do I believe in what they say; him are her or could it be he’s a she then there’s me feeling like an apple which has fallen far from the tree; gravity keeps pulling me down; Newton’s Law in my own body feeling trapped in tissue, dropped in a plastic bag, placed inside a brown paper bag, which was left in a card board box, be hide closed doors under lock and key trying to be mindful I can’t serve two masters because this could only lead to disaster; constantly being reminded about taking things slow, slowing down the hands of time; rewind the hands on the clock wishing I could go back in time.

 Sitting inside alone I hear a faucet drip; it’s irritating and I think it’s something I could fix; having fantasies of being a plumber; done shared my heart with many but no one seems to hear me and why I feel like a motherless child. Going to church on Sunday sinning on Monday just hope to one day find what I’ve lost before and can’t seem to find never no more. Not a bad person not trying to test the hands of faith. My uncle Tony told me growing up I could do great things like Tony the Tiger are tiger Woods are like other boyz from the hood at various points in my life he’s encouraged me to stay the course, stay in the boat, stay a float like a ship captain are captain and Tenniel but why do I let circumstances keep pulling me down why do I fill like a motherless child?

Still I wonder why some consider me to be a grouch like Oscar the grouch from Sesame Street or Oscar who stayed with Felix Unger who like to sleep under his clothes they were an odd couple felling like a snotty nose child with a runny nose. This can’t be me and all that I was born for caught up in my addiction my life, my affliction trying to find raindrops in rainbows. Walking outside in the winter when it’s cold, standing outside in the freezing cold, walking around in the summer you’ll just don’t know feeling like a motherless child trying to find raindrops in rainbows