I can't even think straight being this sober. Shit

I've been sober for a while now...
I had a ready syringe and a broken heart.
Fuck.. I couldn't do it. I can't let You down.

Being who I am now.

Makes me wonder how did this shit even start?
I kind of remember the "old me" & no fucks given.
I see the pictures & my pathetic sad scars. "happy Kayla" joined us, uninvited; no permission.

Fuck this shit how long will this last?
I can't handle all the pain behind my mask..

Wait, here they come smile & wave.
Let them remember not of those days.
Ok they are gone, lets go to our grave.

Fuck, one last problem; or really a blessing?
My beautiful child; excited & happy.
Seeing my son through tears; hypocritical & depressing.
I have to, for him, be happy. If the one thing I do, is that one last thing.
I can wipe my tears & replace my mask.
No sadness here; if anyone should ask.