deepundergroundpoetry.com
Rage to kill
I have visions of watching you get beheaded but not before partially skinning you aliveI wish you nothing but an agonizing life, better yet, I really want you to die
I understand first hand now why a person snaps and watch a person take their last breath. You are deserving of nothing but a sheer painful death
Better yet, taking your life is even too good, because I need the power to resurrect you and then torture you mercilessly time and time again Upon see that, I would have nothing but a sheer grin
Last but not least, your love stick, It needs lighter fluid on it and set aflame and watch you agonize over and over in great pain. I hate you
Published 15th Jun 2011
| Edited 24th Jul 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 22nd Jul 2011 12:00pm
22nd Jul 2011 11:59am
First of all, let me say I am intimately acquainted with the feelings you express here. Some people prove themselves worthy of such pain, yet seem to skirt by unscathed. I truly hope each of them gets their just desserts.
This classifies as prose; it is written as it would be spoken. Your anger shines through, but it reads like a hastily scribbled note.
'your' in L1 should be 'you'.
'againUpon see that,' = 'again, upon seeing that'
You should consider a complete re-work. The basic content is fine - I don't wish to water down the visceral nature of the images or emotion. However, you need rhythmic structure and true strophes, as well as a few sonics. Pay attention to diction and rhythm.
This classifies as prose; it is written as it would be spoken. Your anger shines through, but it reads like a hastily scribbled note.
'your' in L1 should be 'you'.
'againUpon see that,' = 'again, upon seeing that'
You should consider a complete re-work. The basic content is fine - I don't wish to water down the visceral nature of the images or emotion. However, you need rhythmic structure and true strophes, as well as a few sonics. Pay attention to diction and rhythm.
Anonymous
24th Jul 2011 2:33am
Kym, this piece really inspired me and wouldn't let go. I wrote this, hope you don't mind?
-------------------------------------------------
Aboriginal understanding of how and why
a person snaps,
brought to the scowling brink
by coercive torment;
I can end this embittered, dreaming limbo.
I can work these hands into powerful tutors.
Your earned re-education:
I am not for your feet to rest upon.
I long to see you,
half skinned, alive and panting mercy.
Disemboweled, your cooking entrails
stinking like a gutted deer.
Covetous,
I dream of your f*ck stick
slick with the burn of lighter fluid,
scorched like a girl scouts frankfurter.
Over and over again
like a hell spawn's lullaby,
you should be
resurrected to unspeakable agony.
I hate you.
-------------------------------------------------
Aboriginal understanding of how and why
a person snaps,
brought to the scowling brink
by coercive torment;
I can end this embittered, dreaming limbo.
I can work these hands into powerful tutors.
Your earned re-education:
I am not for your feet to rest upon.
I long to see you,
half skinned, alive and panting mercy.
Disemboweled, your cooking entrails
stinking like a gutted deer.
Covetous,
I dream of your f*ck stick
slick with the burn of lighter fluid,
scorched like a girl scouts frankfurter.
Over and over again
like a hell spawn's lullaby,
you should be
resurrected to unspeakable agony.
I hate you.
26th Jul 2011 4:01am
26th Nov 2011 6:08pm
The emotions, the anger, it's a great display of what everyone feels. Only few let it out so flawlessly though. I love the emotion demonstrated in this poem.
26th Nov 2011 9:39pm
