This Cage of Mine

I can't speak, for fear of speaking the wrong words
I can't be seen, for fear of being an embarrassment.
I can't act, for fear of showing myself a failure.
I'm all bound up in unfounded fears.
The bars formed from my cowardice.

They make this cage of mine.

An outcast from the onset, I was, by choice.
A wretched hateful creature, I was, by choice.
Cynical, loathsome, creep, I was, by choice.
I'm tied to the reputation I fostered for myself.
My hands have fashioned a very personal hell.

I built this cage of mine.

'It's all an illusion', I keep telling myself.
'Just stay calm and in control', I advise myself.
'Take a breath and move on', I try to still myself.
I'm all wrapped up in my own head.
My mind holds me in and slams the gate.

It seals this cage of mine.

'She thinks you're a fucking idiot', whisper the voices.
'She's much too good for you', murmur the voices.
'Why the fuck would she like you?', taunt the voices.
I'm at the mercy of my own hateful demons.
The jailors endlessly torture their captive.

Here in this cage of mine.

I need someone here to hold me.
I need someone here to chase the darkness away.
I need someone to be my light.
And then,
I will find myself wanting without them.
And the light will become a prison unto itself.

And the light will become this cage of mine.