The End of an Era

As I hold onto what's left, I can see it's I that was squeezing the precious life from it. I know it's a rough patch, and I know it hurt you. I know I hurt you. Not on purpose, never on purpose. I thought I knew best, and regardless you asked me to keep it too myself. I didn't, I made myself a jester at kings funeral (a jackass), and I pushed and pushed and pushed. With every nudge, despite my intention of helping you with a bright future, I pushed you just that much farther away. I know that now. I had a moment of weakness, and I thought you wanted my help, but with my confusion came frustration. Frustration that I took out on you. I love you. I feel what you do. When you break down, when you cry, when you're pissed, frustrated, and I feel ALL of it. I'm not immune to human emotion, as cold as I may seem, I have too much of it, and so I subdue as much as I can. See, when I have this empathy with you, it's myself getting on an equal level, it's my mind and spirit (if you believe in such things) understanding the pain you're in. I know that phrase "I understand" upsets you, but regardless of what you might think, all people feel the same things. The only difference is what and how we think of what we feel. It's how we decide to amplify it or subdue it. I try to think like you do, and even if I can't do so perfectly, or even remotely, I still know HOW you think. The complexity of your mind is a beautiful thing. No, I can never fully understand, but I do understand. I've noticed, lately, that it's been difficult for you to admit that you love me. And I know you do. You and I, we've got what most people could never achieve in their wildest dreams. I know you're mad at me. I know you're probably having second thoughts, so you're avoiding the "I love you"'s, just in case. But you do. You love me. I love you. Hell, marriage is right around the corner. This rough patch, if given some thought, is just like all the others. Meaningless. Ah, but our time is coming to an end, yeah? You're right. This is the end of a bright, and wonderful era. We're done with this, because after the next few decades I'm gonna' try harder, be better, and I'm gonna' marry you. I'm not going to be a jackass teenager for long. At all. I'm about to get my shit together, and no matter what physical direction it takes me in, I won't lose sight of you. Ever. You're the end result. Always. See, people are so concerned with "follow your dreams. Go to college and don't get tied down in a relationship." They never think about our goals in life, and the order in which WE put them. Archaeology makes sense to me, and sure it makes me happy, but it's not you. You make me the happiest I could ever be. So who the Hell has the right to tell me where my priorities should be? No one but me and you. I have all the time in the world, and I'll be damned if I waste it in the name of something lesser than you. Lesser than love. This shit's not complicated, no it's a very simple truth. One I will die for. One I will live for. One I will love for. And when I've lost everything, and I'm dying and can no longer so much as walk, I'll always have this Love I have with you.