In the Rain

midaugust, and it's raining. a much needed rain. like heaven falling down, forgiving this terrible city. there is a small awning outside of my window, and i would love nothing more than to sit out in this little rain shower.

and then the rain makes me think of you

and i push you away...

this room makes me feel like i'm out of place with time. there is a white wicker chair sitting by the bed, along with several mismatched furniture pieces, with countless items of various ages sitting on them, looking delicate and gorgeous, doing nothing more than collecting dust.

 pink walls, pink carpet, white lace curtians and a big elegant red rug complete my black cloth outcastishness.
but the thunder makes me feel alive.
and then i think of you again...
and how you never gave me a chance.and how we don't talk now.
and how much i miss having you there to talk to.
but that is what i get for never even trying.
i guess i'm childish too, and i was very creative.
and so artistic and you need someone on your level,
 not someone to marvel and simply appreciate.
and i guess i never did know what to say to you because i never knew what was going through your mind.
but i guess you were safer not to share.
and i never should have trusted you.
and i never should have listened to all the pretty things you said to me.
and i never should have put myself in that situalion.
i guess it was bound to happen.
i just remember that i thought it ment more.
but i don't think that it did, not to you.
and i guess i knew all along. 
but waiting to hear it was simply hell.
and i guess i shouldn't have cried. 
i knew i couldn't take it back.
but mostly i knew that at that time you did not intend on being my friend, even though you said we should be.
and then out of the blue, you ment it.
 maybe you felt bad, or maybe you just forgot.
or maybe i have no idea what you were thinking.
becasue you never told me.but now i'm sitting here, happier than i've been in a long time,
and i'm thinking of you,
and i do wonder if you are okay, because the last thing you said to me made me worry a little,
and then there was nothing.
and still nothing.
and i look at my phone, and wonder what i should do.
because i know that i'll never know what to say,
because i'll always feel like i was ever good enough with words,
to put a thought in the head of a someone who didnt understand
 i never was good enough with lead and into make anything you would , but you were everything i thought i ever wanted.
 but now i know better.you were just an idea that i liked,
but never more, becasue i never knew you.
and this rain makes me think i never will.
Because in the end, I was the one that was better.
You did things to me that no one should do,
you made me feel like all my words and creative thought meant nothing.
And in the end you were the one who was nothing and i'm sitting in the rain
sooking it all in, and happier then you will ever be.
And I dont have to wonder anymore,
Because the rain has washed away all my pain.