Life as I know it

Watching my children at play makes me
Wish life stayed that easy

But nothing is that easy or pure  life is hard
Not only to be with people but also just
Getting out of bed, my life has gone down
Hill and it's no ones fault but my own

I entered a dark spot and am trapped like
A rabbit it a snare ready to chew threw it's own
Leg just to be free,

But my leg is out of reach I can't get to it
To get free,
In my world witch is mostly in my head
It's dark no doors or windows on love
Just hate, hate for my self  mutilating my own
Soul cutting it slowly ripping it apart till
Soon the former me won't exists anymore
Only an empty Shell. I have this great family
Whom I have inflected with my bitterness
And self mutilation. I have not put a razor to my
Body but when you slowly kill your soul
You become this person who is there and gone
All at the same time.

My mind is racing with nothing good, I have
Been told my hole life I am worthless stupid
Fucked up and am unable to love

Maybe they all were right. Everything I touch
Goes to Shit I wish I was dead cause I already
Am on the inside, why not on the out

The only thing is my body has not started
To rot and stink instead my attitude and outlook
Have. I love my family so much but i don't
Think they believe it anymore.

I would die for anyone of them why won't the
Earth just send someone to rip me apart
Chop me into little bits and dump me
Somewhere to rot.

People say it will get better when it has not in
34 years so why will I get better now.

Then I hear pray that's a laugh no god listens
To me they all turned their backs on
Me years ago. See as I said I am fucked up
Not even worth the air I breath or the space
I take up on this earth.......