Peach Tea- A Revival

Between Spiderman kisses I told you
That you smelled like peach tea

We had a tea party and sipped out of sunflowers
Never before had I felt so safe

When you kissed me like you did
Teeth and nails gliding down the nape of my neck
My hair balled in your fist
I felt the skin of your back, your panting breath
I didn't think of peach tea
But I knew it would never be the same

When you held me in your arms afterwards
We talked of dying and how sad it would be
To know that nothing was there once you were gone
I smelled peaches and your shampoo

When you held my arm, tracing hearts into freckles
I told you my mother said that freckles were angel kisses but,
I never understood because we never believed in angels
I felt your grip tighten

I held your hand
As your mother asked if I was safe
I cracked a joke and smiled
To make sure you don't worry about me
And when we kissed goodbye
You tasted like tea
And I felt whole again

When I sit alone in a bed too big for one person
And a room too small to occupy all my thoughts
I smell the aroma
Drifting from my mug of warm peach tea
And even though it wasn't in a sunflower
I felt a little less lonely

A Week Later-
You told me you wanted to love other  people
You said you were sorry
I understood because what made us split apart like atoms in an atomic bomb
Were parts of you that you couldn't change
How foolish of me to think the steam of tea lasts forever
All tea grows cold
Loses its luster
Its nostalgia

That night
I didn't wanna think of tea or kisses or freckles
I though of how numb I wanted to feel
How scared I was to be alone
That night
I tasted nothing but vomit

A Month Later
I still dream of you
You're holding me in your arms
Lying in a hotel bed you tell me how beautiful Italy is
When I wake, I am not sad
I try to repress
And forget
Mornings taste like black coffee and bile

(Self destructive tendencies led me to break every tea cup I own
Shards of glass falling to the floor like tears of monsters who no longer wished to be frightening)

Days drag on
Sometimes I dont think of you at all
Sometimes I spend all afternoons hoping you're ok

Darling, if you're reading this
Tell me you're ok
Drink a cup of peach tea
And sleep soundly