deepundergroundpoetry.com
Final months [Regret entry Aug 15]
Final months
To my nan,
who dragged me up by my tailcoat,
whose only enforced boundary was dishonesty,
who had laughed in the face of danger
and maintained her vulnerability.
To my nan,
who despite finding cancer within
charged on and controlled what was possible until,
who loved like no other knew how to properly
who laughed, who stayed up late, who was wise.
To my nan, who was suicidal,
who was slowly being defeated,
who no longer wished to take the pills, and drink plain water, and wear a wig,
my nan who needed toiletry aid.
To my nan,
who I left to go travelling in Europe,
who I knew had such little time left,
who loved me infinitely and didn't judge,
who needed me.
To my nan,
who went to hospital,
who refused to see family when they took you in,
who was found on the floor after falling from bed an hour prior, in foetal,
who stopped drinking water and eating.
To my nan,
the embassy was contacted to get me a fast flight home,
who managed to get out of hospital on her own terms to spend her last few nights
with her husband's hand to hold - bed to bed,
I am shamed by the hideousness, my part in it and my lack of giving you everything I had.
To my nan,
whose skin mottled and rotted and needed re-bandaging,
who - in her final hour
told me that she wasn't allowed in the fruit bowl on the dinner table
as it was Father's pride, and joy
who I sat with as the pale skin turned cold and the rigor mortis set in
thank you, for existing. I am sorry.
To my nan,
who dragged me up by my tailcoat,
whose only enforced boundary was dishonesty,
who had laughed in the face of danger
and maintained her vulnerability.
To my nan,
who despite finding cancer within
charged on and controlled what was possible until,
who loved like no other knew how to properly
who laughed, who stayed up late, who was wise.
To my nan, who was suicidal,
who was slowly being defeated,
who no longer wished to take the pills, and drink plain water, and wear a wig,
my nan who needed toiletry aid.
To my nan,
who I left to go travelling in Europe,
who I knew had such little time left,
who loved me infinitely and didn't judge,
who needed me.
To my nan,
who went to hospital,
who refused to see family when they took you in,
who was found on the floor after falling from bed an hour prior, in foetal,
who stopped drinking water and eating.
To my nan,
the embassy was contacted to get me a fast flight home,
who managed to get out of hospital on her own terms to spend her last few nights
with her husband's hand to hold - bed to bed,
I am shamed by the hideousness, my part in it and my lack of giving you everything I had.
To my nan,
whose skin mottled and rotted and needed re-bandaging,
who - in her final hour
told me that she wasn't allowed in the fruit bowl on the dinner table
as it was Father's pride, and joy
who I sat with as the pale skin turned cold and the rigor mortis set in
thank you, for existing. I am sorry.
Published 12th Aug 2015
| Edited 13th Aug 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 10
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
12th Aug 2015 1:37am
Really beautiful and hard felt poem,the sense of regret is portrayed with honesty and clarity, excellent ink.
12th Aug 2015 9:46am
Anonymous
12th Aug 2015 2:40am
You gave your Nan what she wanted. Hold your head high Poppy.
12th Aug 2015 9:47am
13th Aug 2015 11:28pm
It seems almost wrong of me to say
that it's really well written, but that
certainly isn't to trivialise the emotion,
since its the emotion that makes it
special...
that it's really well written, but that
certainly isn't to trivialise the emotion,
since its the emotion that makes it
special...
13th Aug 2015 11:34pm
Thank you, Paul. Your comment means a great deal. It couldn't trivialise the feeling and your understanding of it, as someone who enjoys writing it is a pleasure to hear it was well constructed. Appreciated.
Anonymous
18th Aug 2015 2:41am
Poppy, I read this few days ago in a comp you submitted (yes, you and i both huge fans of reading comp entries :) ) and it made me quite emotional that i had to walk away but i came back because not only its beautifully and tenderly written but its something that is quite difficult to capture when no amount of words can do justice to truly paint the emotions felt of the bond. But, you did a magnificent job with this piece and I admire that because its not easy to tap deep down and share with the world.
18th Aug 2015 4:38pm
22nd Aug 2015 4:20pm
A lovely tribute to an obviously strong and loved woman. You emotion is raw which brings tears to my eyes. Loved and thanjk you for sharing.
22nd Aug 2015 4:29pm
