deepundergroundpoetry.com
Abused Anger
I'm fine
is the standard line
because it's easier
than the truth
It's an awkward smile when
your tongue is wriggling your bottom tooth
and you're really
wrestling
with the anger raging
through you
with ruthlessness
Caged and enraged
and somehow sheltered
by your helplessness
Violent movies playing on an endless
loop, so paralyzed with
anger you can't sleep or
even move,
keeping you restless
and discontent
unable to vent your frustration
or get appropriate
commiseration
Because no one really understands
what it's like to have someone's hands
around your throat,
their fist to your face,
the way your heart races
every time you begin
to replay it again and again
bringing the rage to boil just beneath
your skin,
mingling with the fear
that if anyone gets too near
you know you'll blow
just like he did
and you'll be no better than him.
is the standard line
because it's easier
than the truth
It's an awkward smile when
your tongue is wriggling your bottom tooth
and you're really
wrestling
with the anger raging
through you
with ruthlessness
Caged and enraged
and somehow sheltered
by your helplessness
Violent movies playing on an endless
loop, so paralyzed with
anger you can't sleep or
even move,
keeping you restless
and discontent
unable to vent your frustration
or get appropriate
commiseration
Because no one really understands
what it's like to have someone's hands
around your throat,
their fist to your face,
the way your heart races
every time you begin
to replay it again and again
bringing the rage to boil just beneath
your skin,
mingling with the fear
that if anyone gets too near
you know you'll blow
just like he did
and you'll be no better than him.
Published 11th Aug 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
11th Aug 2015 5:26pm
11th Aug 2015 6:55pm
12th Aug 2015 6:47am
12th Aug 2015 6:57am
13th Aug 2015 3:22pm
"somehow sheltered
by your helplessness"
^^^^^
i love that, feels a bit like stockholm syndrome... a strange comfort in [un]familiar circumstances
this reads distanced, if that makes sense, as though you're either separating yourself from the abuse/are assuming this is what survivors of d.v must feel
either way, it's an interesting peek into the psyche
by your helplessness"
^^^^^
i love that, feels a bit like stockholm syndrome... a strange comfort in [un]familiar circumstances
this reads distanced, if that makes sense, as though you're either separating yourself from the abuse/are assuming this is what survivors of d.v must feel
either way, it's an interesting peek into the psyche
14th Aug 2015 5:50pm
It's really interesting that you mentioned this.
About a week ago, I was attacked by my own father (I'm a grown damn woman and was physically attacked by my father WTF?!). Since then, I have physically felt myself dissociating from my feelings. The day it happened and the following day I was an emotional wreck, crying and freaking out. But after that, the more I talked about it and thought about it, the more I feel like I sound like an automaton. Like my voice is flat and my eyes go dead and my demeanor doesn't match the feelings I'm actually feeling (mostly rage, fear, sadness, disbelief)
The feelings in this poem are not assumptions, though some of the pieces are fictional (I don't have a loose tooth, for one)
As for "somehow sheltered by your helplessness" -- I'm glad you mentioned Stockholm Syndrome...I didn't originally intend for it to allude to that, but it really does relate. Once the initial shock wore off and the anger went to more of a rolling boil instead of an explosive one, I began thinking about how I still don't completely want to cut my dad out of my life, but I'm totally unsure of how I can keep him in my life and feel safe.
The original meaning behind that line was more like my rage is somehow kept inside by my helplessness, I can't let the rage out because there's nothing I can do about it.
Thanks for reading and for your intuitive response.
About a week ago, I was attacked by my own father (I'm a grown damn woman and was physically attacked by my father WTF?!). Since then, I have physically felt myself dissociating from my feelings. The day it happened and the following day I was an emotional wreck, crying and freaking out. But after that, the more I talked about it and thought about it, the more I feel like I sound like an automaton. Like my voice is flat and my eyes go dead and my demeanor doesn't match the feelings I'm actually feeling (mostly rage, fear, sadness, disbelief)
The feelings in this poem are not assumptions, though some of the pieces are fictional (I don't have a loose tooth, for one)
As for "somehow sheltered by your helplessness" -- I'm glad you mentioned Stockholm Syndrome...I didn't originally intend for it to allude to that, but it really does relate. Once the initial shock wore off and the anger went to more of a rolling boil instead of an explosive one, I began thinking about how I still don't completely want to cut my dad out of my life, but I'm totally unsure of how I can keep him in my life and feel safe.
The original meaning behind that line was more like my rage is somehow kept inside by my helplessness, I can't let the rage out because there's nothing I can do about it.
Thanks for reading and for your intuitive response.
28th Aug 2015 4:54pm
It's an awkward smile when
your tongue is wriggling your bottom tooth
and you're really
wrestling
with the anger raging
through you
with ruthlessness
This stanza is incredibly powerful in setting up the rest of the poem which as a whole is visceral and compelling ... Thank you for sharing this, hopefully it gives those who need it hope, those who are abusers counsel, and those who are apathetic some insight.
BRAVO!
your tongue is wriggling your bottom tooth
and you're really
wrestling
with the anger raging
through you
with ruthlessness
This stanza is incredibly powerful in setting up the rest of the poem which as a whole is visceral and compelling ... Thank you for sharing this, hopefully it gives those who need it hope, those who are abusers counsel, and those who are apathetic some insight.
BRAVO!
28th Aug 2015 5:27pm
Thank you SO much for the awesome comment! I'm glad you enjoyed reading. Your comment is really appreciated. It really helps to know my experience can touch others.
