deepundergroundpoetry.com
Now I Don't Know What to Do
I've spent my whole life thinking, I ruined my mother's life.
That I was a mistake that took her away from being somebody's wife.
I've spent my whole life apologizing and hiding,
Sitting inside of myself, distracting myself from crying.
I've spent my whole life making myself into the perfect child,
Obedient, polite, helpful, meek, and mild.
I've spent my whole life in fear that she didn't want me,
The child that was an accident, that never should be.
And I've spent my whole life like that, fearing an assumption.
Never guessing she wanted a child to bind herself to someone.
That she thought she needed him so badly,
She pricked holes in his condoms gladly.
I've spent my whole life regretting my existence,
That now I'm lacking in consistence.
Thinking I needed permission,
And always keeping my distance.
That I was a mistake that took her away from being somebody's wife.
I've spent my whole life apologizing and hiding,
Sitting inside of myself, distracting myself from crying.
I've spent my whole life making myself into the perfect child,
Obedient, polite, helpful, meek, and mild.
I've spent my whole life in fear that she didn't want me,
The child that was an accident, that never should be.
And I've spent my whole life like that, fearing an assumption.
Never guessing she wanted a child to bind herself to someone.
That she thought she needed him so badly,
She pricked holes in his condoms gladly.
I've spent my whole life regretting my existence,
That now I'm lacking in consistence.
Thinking I needed permission,
And always keeping my distance.
Published 10th Aug 2015
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
10th Aug 2015 7:49am
What you do is go on and make a total success of life. Be it real or pertinent observation. Regretting life is a tragic waste of wonderful talents.
12th Aug 2015 3:13am
10th Aug 2015 8:18am
The pain seeps in the words exclaiming to be heard great rhythm great piece
10th Aug 2015 8:14pm
27th Aug 2015 1:23am
What You have done here by writing-out
Your feelings Llywenllyn is Perfect.
It, to me is 100 times better by far than
going to some TheRapEst, (what I call them).
But what everybody has said to You so
far is spot on.
You don't let remorse or regret or feelings
of self-loathing destroy You: turn them
into self-empowerment and rock solid
determination that drives You into SUCCESS.
You can't control the past but You can
direct where it leads You.
Pan
Your feelings Llywenllyn is Perfect.
It, to me is 100 times better by far than
going to some TheRapEst, (what I call them).
But what everybody has said to You so
far is spot on.
You don't let remorse or regret or feelings
of self-loathing destroy You: turn them
into self-empowerment and rock solid
determination that drives You into SUCCESS.
You can't control the past but You can
direct where it leads You.
Pan
28th Aug 2015 5:16am
