This Is How I Miss You

Often times I find myself sealing my eyes shut,
and when I block out the world I'm focused on missing you.
Please don't misinterpret me when I say this.
I understand that there are millions of different ways to miss somebody.
it's not a "I can't go on without you" kind of miss you.
I'm not helpless without you.
Not having you here doesn't make the days harder.
It doesn't make the clock tick and tock any slower or faster.

"It's just a little  bit longer," I keep telling myself,
I've been saying it since the first day of your absence.
"everything is only temporary."
I repeat this in my head religiously,
as if it were my favorite Pink Floyd album,
I find myself praying to a God that i don't even believe
begging to him that one day,
I'll believe these words I hear over and over.

Sometimes I wander off to places that remind me of you.
I walk deep into the woods and simply think,
"Look at all of the beauty surrounding us."
Even though when it comes down to it,
it's not us.
It is only I.
I can't help but imagine the smile on your face,
I can't help but feel the tingling of your hand in mind,
I can't help but create a memory with you,
with the feeling of the sun on our backs,
setting and turning into night,
with the beauty of which I'm determined for the two of us to see together.

I can see you standing beside me,
absorbing the euphoria of our scenery.
I can feel your arms around me,
I can feel the breath of your gentle whispers in my ear.
I can hear you saying, "Those wild flowers will never be as beautiful as mine."
I can feel the butterflies I get when you say things like that.

but then I open my eyes,
and the world is scattered.

It's not until the moments like those that I feel hopeless.
Those are the moments that make breathing a struggle.
Those are the moments that cause gravity to use all of it's force while I try to lift the fork to the mouth.
Those are the moments that make me miss you,
miss you in the helpless way,
the missing you that makes the days seem longer and the clocks tick slower.

but I shut my eyes as tight as I can and escape to my world with you.
I go to a place where nobody can tell me to "Get over it."
It's just a little  bit longer.
Everything is only temporary.

open.
close.

It's just a little  bit longer.
Everything is only temporary.

open.
close.