sketched out

 A month into my relapse I'm shot out and dehydrated to the point where I can't even hit a vein. I'm paranoid, which isn't normal to me like it is to some tweakers, but I've been anxious & jumpy for two days now, looking back over my shoulder. I've been fucking this chick Mallory for a couple weeks now, but I've been hearing some sketchy shit about her, but I don't know how much of it, if any is true, or just typical tweaker bull shit.

My ex, the one i just broke up with, snitched on some people and I grilled her on the ins and outs of how it works. She told me that they asked if she'd ever been sexually involved with any of the people she was supposed to set up, because if she got a controlled buy on somebody she'd slept with, it would be useless. I'm banking on that being factual

After work I split to my home boys exes place, I needed to get away from my place, get in a different environment so I can chill out and crash. I want a shot, even tho I'd basically just be wasting it. She was laying on her bed, I sat in a chair at the foot of her bed, and we talked. She told me during another conversation that she hated sleeping alone, and as we talked I was imagining laying in bed with her, away from the paranoia and anxiety I felt in my house.