deepundergroundpoetry.com
Corrupted Luxuries
The tearing beast within my insides
Beneath my burning skin it hides
My blood is boiling from the heat of its rage
As it thrashes about in its cage
My mind is plagued by many a murderous thought
Causing my sanity to rot
How many times will I suffer
Before possession fully takes over
Do not wake me from this slumber
For only in sleep can I feel the darker pleasure
A pleasure of the corrupted lucidity
Which can only be found in the depths of insanity
The luxuries of corruption obtained through irrationality
Crimson stains the monster’s eyes
As it tells me tales of twisted lies
I can feel the hunger coming from his voracious nature
The instinct of a dark and consuming creature
I desire the taste of blood on my tongue
The craving mingles with the pleasures it lies among
Gone are the days of being victimized
I will no longer be the one that is fearfully paralyzed
Do not wake me from this slumber
For only in sleep can I feel the darker pleasure
A pleasure of the corrupted lucidity
Which can only be found in the depths of insanity
The luxuries of corruption obtained through irrationality
Beneath my burning skin it hides
My blood is boiling from the heat of its rage
As it thrashes about in its cage
My mind is plagued by many a murderous thought
Causing my sanity to rot
How many times will I suffer
Before possession fully takes over
Do not wake me from this slumber
For only in sleep can I feel the darker pleasure
A pleasure of the corrupted lucidity
Which can only be found in the depths of insanity
The luxuries of corruption obtained through irrationality
Crimson stains the monster’s eyes
As it tells me tales of twisted lies
I can feel the hunger coming from his voracious nature
The instinct of a dark and consuming creature
I desire the taste of blood on my tongue
The craving mingles with the pleasures it lies among
Gone are the days of being victimized
I will no longer be the one that is fearfully paralyzed
Do not wake me from this slumber
For only in sleep can I feel the darker pleasure
A pleasure of the corrupted lucidity
Which can only be found in the depths of insanity
The luxuries of corruption obtained through irrationality
Published 12th May 2015
| Edited 26th May 2015
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The author encourages honest critique.
12th May 2015 9:39pm
Reply to "Corrupted Luxuries":
My critique is simple,
You have a wonderful chorus do not change it,
Personally I would shift a few words over:
"The beast within tearing my insides" to
"The tearing beast within my insides".
Meaning, vivid imagery is first made, then linked to;
the reader, another element of the poem or a personal emotion.
I do hope, I was constructive with my feedback,
All the shifts could, " only be found in the depths of insanity",
my critique could be completely wrong and your poem would still be great.
Yours faithfully Infernus.
PS: I may consider deleting this comment... but for now enjoy.
My critique is simple,
You have a wonderful chorus do not change it,
Personally I would shift a few words over:
"The beast within tearing my insides" to
"The tearing beast within my insides".
Meaning, vivid imagery is first made, then linked to;
the reader, another element of the poem or a personal emotion.
I do hope, I was constructive with my feedback,
All the shifts could, " only be found in the depths of insanity",
my critique could be completely wrong and your poem would still be great.
Yours faithfully Infernus.
PS: I may consider deleting this comment... but for now enjoy.
26th May 2015 8:05pm
Thank you so much for the feedback! I was having trouble wording that first line, so I appreciate it. I'm glad you like the chorus. I worked especially hard on that part of it.
Anonymous
13th Dec 2016 00:15am
<< post removed >>
