Losing Control

Sitting in bed my mind starts to race
my heart beating a dangerous pace
screaming, crying, calling out
a final, frantic, desperate shout

Energy explodes inside my veins
popping more pills, slowly going insane
the room goes dark, blacking out on the floor
not knowing what to do with myself anymore

Another empty promise, hiding in shame
when will this stop? It isn't a game
I feel so upset, but I don't know why
when off of X, I want to fucking die

I haven't slept in days
trying again, a hopeless gaze
laying in the dark, thinking about it again
my anxiety level inching to 10

Again I sit in silence alone
the deep self hatred inside me has grown
pills couldn't help what is already dead
a twisted soul, an empty head

Shivering cold, but shaking with sweat
this is as bad as my symptoms get
hot flashes are nothing, they will begin
not knowing the danger it causes within

Famished, parched and full of longing
it's not worth it, hunger will be forgotten
tipping back something icy cold
this doesn't help, it can't be fooled

Popping more pills my head doesn't spin
feeling nothing, getting more from the bin
thirteen swallowed, working their magic
my high continues, feeling nostalgic

Thinking back, nothings there
nothing remembered, just sit and stare
memory loss, I didn't think about it
reality sets in, it hurts like a bitch

I should've said no, no thanks , that's fine
I never should have stepped in that line
money, a job, interacting someday
maybe tomorrow, but not today