deepundergroundpoetry.com
Quick Write
I tried to reach you with my soul,
but we were on different stations.
So you left me out in the cold,
forever waiting for your resuscitation.
Nothing lasts forever,
and how I will miss the joy you brought.
But you will never disappear,
For in my heart you are caught.
but we were on different stations.
So you left me out in the cold,
forever waiting for your resuscitation.
Nothing lasts forever,
and how I will miss the joy you brought.
But you will never disappear,
For in my heart you are caught.
Published 18th Apr 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 1206
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
18th Apr 2015 7:15am
Your poetry isn't bad for a beginner, but try and think outside the rhyme. When you rhyme every other line it feels contrived, because it is. Which means it was forced in a certain way rather than being more natural. If you're writing and a rhyme happens naturally great, but it wouldn't always naturally happen every other sentence or whatever.
You can also play with the diction of your writing, which basically means the way you display the words, or the structure. Make the rhymes happen in an off placement.
Now, I've written rhyme themed poetry when I was newer to writing and if that's your thing then great, whatever makes you happy. However, I gathered from your profile you wanted to learn, so that's why I'm leaving a lengthy critique. This isn't to belittle you, or anything put you down at all. My first poem I posted in the workshop here was god awful bad and I got destroyed by some good writers. It hurt at the time, but it was the best learning experience in the end. A good writer should always look for and want the critiques if they are necessary.
Find some writers that rarely rhyme and read their stuff until it sinks in. It's not to say you can't write stuff and not edit or rhyme, but editing shouldn't revolve around rhyming.
cheers...
You can also play with the diction of your writing, which basically means the way you display the words, or the structure. Make the rhymes happen in an off placement.
Now, I've written rhyme themed poetry when I was newer to writing and if that's your thing then great, whatever makes you happy. However, I gathered from your profile you wanted to learn, so that's why I'm leaving a lengthy critique. This isn't to belittle you, or anything put you down at all. My first poem I posted in the workshop here was god awful bad and I got destroyed by some good writers. It hurt at the time, but it was the best learning experience in the end. A good writer should always look for and want the critiques if they are necessary.
Find some writers that rarely rhyme and read their stuff until it sinks in. It's not to say you can't write stuff and not edit or rhyme, but editing shouldn't revolve around rhyming.
cheers...
