deepundergroundpoetry.com
Drops of Vanilla
Wet under morning shiny lusty down
And hot water gushing below the town
You make my city Las Vegas every night
Just your cuts beneath my rose off your sight.
Taste my bud baby,fuck me whole night long
Just you would make my soul dance
And your hard cock am riding with hot
and the natural vanilla dropping drop by drop.
And hot water gushing below the town
You make my city Las Vegas every night
Just your cuts beneath my rose off your sight.
Taste my bud baby,fuck me whole night long
Just you would make my soul dance
And your hard cock am riding with hot
and the natural vanilla dropping drop by drop.
Published 5th Apr 2015
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comments 4
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6th Apr 2015 10:00am
This is a strange poem. It reminds me of an erotic Jabberwocky. I have no idea what 'Just your cuts beneath my rose of your sight' means, nor does 'an your hard cock am riding with hot' With hot what? Or did you mean 'with heat'? When you write a poem it doesn't always have to make perfect sense but making it difficult to understand makes it harder for the reader to enjoy. Just some basic constructive criticism, no harm meant. Keep trying!
7th Apr 2015 2:06am
22nd Apr 2015 6:11am
25th Apr 2015 3:58pm
Jasmine, this is really enjoyable eroticism. It's fun! I do agree with a couple of the points made above. And you have a rhyme scheme in the first stanza but not in the second. But "You make my city Las Vegas every night" is a fine line as are most of the others. "And the natural vanilla dropping drop by drop." You do have good taste.........
