For He Who Cannot Be Named

I.

You just vanished. Not a reason,
nor a simple good-bye.

The clock ticks and ticks.

The maddening quiet of this house
plays havoc with my head.
I would go outside no more
than I would stick my hand in a flame.

In you, I have lost a son,
a lover, a husband, but no one
has been able to find your body.

I don't know where to mourn you.
There is no headstone.
Only my computer, where it all began.

I know it was nothing from the first,
but just leaving... I bite hard
on my bottom lip so the tears
will not come.

The clock ticks and ticks.

II.

I was a child once.
There was this man married
to my mother but he hated me
for some reason. I loved him
and ached for him to love me
back.

I waited for my father to pick
me up sometimes. Sometimes he
wouldn't show.

But I waited and waited.

My hands shake and I try not to sob.
I don't want to wait anymore.
Please, no more waiting.

III.

Please, I don't know what to do
with myself anymore. Write me,
please, just tell me why you left,
just give me a reason.

Show me you know
what the word "mercy" means.

Let the police find your body
so I can look upon it one last time,
knowing it is you, that you
are slowly fading to dust.