deepundergroundpoetry.com
Anemones Appearing
Deep in the woods, on the side of the hill,
Celandine, primrose, violet flower;
She lays down, with her wish to empower
The thrusting, taking and seizing of will;
And, there on the slope, as nature stands still,
Waits for the spring rain: the mildest shower,
Ensuring she's damp: just let him tower
Over her placid form, ready to spill...
His truths and his wishes; his hopes and needs;
All of her cravings and intense desire:
Well, she would quite like a taste of those goods;
These keep her in shadow, ensure he seeds
Her fantasies - dreams, that he will require
She shares all quietly, deep in the woods.
Celandine, primrose, violet flower;
She lays down, with her wish to empower
The thrusting, taking and seizing of will;
And, there on the slope, as nature stands still,
Waits for the spring rain: the mildest shower,
Ensuring she's damp: just let him tower
Over her placid form, ready to spill...
His truths and his wishes; his hopes and needs;
All of her cravings and intense desire:
Well, she would quite like a taste of those goods;
These keep her in shadow, ensure he seeds
Her fantasies - dreams, that he will require
She shares all quietly, deep in the woods.
Published 26th Mar 2015
| Edited 2nd Sep 2017
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
26th Mar 2015 9:56am
I will give you one piece of constructive criticism, kindly meant. The rhyming scheme switches suddenly in mid-poem and that can be a bit jarring. Other than that I thought it was a sexy poem and I really like the title you chose.
Thank you for the kindly meant feedback and glad you liked the poem and the title; but, you may need to check out that this is the correct form for an Italian or Petrarchan Sonnet, in iambic pentameter.
On review, I accept my iambic pentameter was off with a lilting 11 syllables here and there, which is now corrected; so I really do appreciate you making me rethink though your feedback.
The Italian sonnet, however, is always divided into two sections by two different groups of rhyming sounds. The first 8 lines is called the octave and rhymes: a b b a a b b a
The remaining 6 lines is called the sestet and can have either two or three rhyming sounds, arranged in a variety of ways:
c d c d c d
c d d c d c
c d e c d e - which I chose in this case
c d e c e d
c d c e d c
The exact pattern of sestet rhymes (unlike the octave pattern)is flexible. Apparently in strict practice, the one thing that is to be avoided in the sestet is ending with a couplet (dd or ee).
In this form the poem is divided into two sections by the two differing rhyme groups. Hence the jarring being deliberate - from a quasi-romantic setting from her perspective to a mood of his more forceful control.
SO.
On review, I accept my iambic pentameter was off with a lilting 11 syllables here and there, which is now corrected; so I really do appreciate you making me rethink though your feedback.
The Italian sonnet, however, is always divided into two sections by two different groups of rhyming sounds. The first 8 lines is called the octave and rhymes: a b b a a b b a
The remaining 6 lines is called the sestet and can have either two or three rhyming sounds, arranged in a variety of ways:
c d c d c d
c d d c d c
c d e c d e - which I chose in this case
c d e c e d
c d c e d c
The exact pattern of sestet rhymes (unlike the octave pattern)is flexible. Apparently in strict practice, the one thing that is to be avoided in the sestet is ending with a couplet (dd or ee).
In this form the poem is divided into two sections by the two differing rhyme groups. Hence the jarring being deliberate - from a quasi-romantic setting from her perspective to a mood of his more forceful control.
SO.
