Green Shadow of a stair lit night.... part 11( into the mind of a dead man)

walks in the doctor. " you have not eatin in three days you need to eat"
"im sick.... i cant"
"well just eat a little"
"eating makes me sick"
he then leaves.
my head hurts and i feel so week. i cant think. and yes i feel so shaky. i want to be alone. Back in my room I sat. In the dark on my bed. It was a cold and bitter night. all the medication did was make me question my exsistance. Over and over I thought of all the bad things. Over and over I saw all my loved dead ones... it's funny how when your sad. You always make your self feel worst. Almost like being sad is an addiction. I wanted out. But I was too sad - to live. To sad to just get up and even think about forgetting. My chest hurts and my skull feels as if it was cracked in half. And the sad part is. I feel like I'm immortal. I killed my self once. And life is so cruel it made an exception for me
" life is hell " I see under my quivering breath.
Why live, if pain hurts too much
Why live if love is dead.
Why live if we have the option to - die?
" kill me... kill me... kill me!"
I started to scream. The men with white coats came in. Six or five more men laiter they brought me down. And I was put in to the white room.