deepundergroundpoetry.com
Ring
Your voice
Dripping with grim splatter of a fresh kill
Disdain much too sharp to sheath
The underlying judgement
Grates in
Your perception of me dilutes my blood streams with staining black ink
My face drains
My joints begin to gnarl
I would rather just not answer the phone
Than go through that
Published 13th May 2011
| Edited 14th May 2011
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likes 3
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comments 7
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
13th May 2011 4:20pm
a few very potent lines in there give the piece power even as short as it is. agrand expression indeed, of a venomous relationship. [:
13th May 2011 4:30pm
13th May 2011 4:32pm
13th May 2011 10:06pm
I suspect we all have at least one of those people in our lives, and you paint it well. I especially like the "grim splatter" and the idea of instantly gnarling joints.
I wonder if you really need "roughly" after "grates into me", since it's implied by "grates". Also, should L3 be "disdain"?
Your final lines are an excellent summary.
I wonder if you really need "roughly" after "grates into me", since it's implied by "grates". Also, should L3 be "disdain"?
Your final lines are an excellent summary.
14th May 2011 6:29am
14th May 2011 6:08am
I never quite understood the term "Small but powerful" until I read this poem.
15th May 2011 4:23pm
this is very descriptive. i like the way you use creative linguistics to add power to your imagery. well done in brevity. you say much for so few words.
